


The Man Upstairs

by SouthernLolita



Series: GamaFrost Tales [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Incredible Hulk - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Human, Apartments, Bathing/Washing, Beating, Bruce Banner Drinks Tea, Bruce be trippin, Domestic Violence, Drag Queens, Drag queen wade wilson, Drug Use, Frigga Feels, Funny, Gay Feelings, Hiding Medical Issues, Internal Monologue, Internalized Transphobia, Jealousy, Loki Angst, Loki Needs a Hug, M/M, Medical Examination, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Procedures, Odin's Bad Parenting, Past Abuse, Protective Bruce Banner, Protective Loki, Sad, Self-Hatred, Tags May Change, Trans Character, Transgender, Transphobia, Triggers, Universe Alteration, Violence, drag queen steve rogers, evesdropping, ftm Loki, grammar nazis stay home, negative self image, tea solves everything, watering the plants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-05-29 11:35:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 34,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6373159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SouthernLolita/pseuds/SouthernLolita
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bruce has no idea what is going on in the apartment above him but it needs to stop, ever since he moved in there has been nothing but shouting and stomping around. He is a no confrontational guy so it is not as if he wants to go up and make it worse. In addition, if the weight of those footsteps he keeps hearing is anything to go then he does not want to tangle with the guy up there.<br/>Everything changes when Bruce finally catches sight of his illusive neighbor, a tall thin man with long black hair. Who is currently shouting obscenities at a bearded blond, chucking high heels and. Was that a bra? Out the window at the man in question. Lovers quarrel. Who knows, but Bruce is just glad things are quiet. However, quiet is not always good and Bruce starts to notice things about his neighbor that send up red flags. Something is not right and as much as the young doctor wants to ignore it, he just cannot. There maybe more that meets the eye to the man upstairs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The third floor is the Seventh Circle.

It is four in the fucking morning and all Bruce Banner wants to do is sleep.  
  
Of course, he cannot, that would be expecting to much from life and the fates and that dochenozzel upstairs that wouldn’t shut up.  Bruce contemplates calling the super, or banging a broomstick against the ceiling like one of those old women and shouting ‘keep it down some people are tryin to sleep!’  he won’t do that though.  
  
Why? Well because Bruce is agreeable, he’s the most painfully agreeable person most other persons have ever met. So lashing out at his decidedly noisy neighbor just isn’t his style.  
  
‘Ear plugs’ he thinks, ‘I’ll just buy ear plugs, those big orange industrial kind that the construction guys wear when they jackhammer. Those’ll do the trick.’  
  
Really, Bruce isn’t even surprised at this point - since he moved into the four-floor loft building it’s just been like this. He didn’t even need this much space for crying out loud, he could have lived in one of those smaller complexes closer to the hospital. Noooo, his good friend Tony said that would be a tragedy. He really should stop listening to Tony.  
  
So here he was in this trendy little neighborhood that held reclaimed warehouses converted into living spaces. This one he thinks used to be a textile company, it doesn’t matter because whatever it was the thickness of ceiling floor above his head is currently and balefully inadequate.  
  
Bruce can hear every stomp, and every shout (the words themselves are muffled or maybe it’s not even English, he’s not sure) the volume however breaks through.    
  
“Why can’t they just get along” Bruce whines smashing his pillow against his ears, attempting to roll up in a big blanket burrito and shun the waking world.  
  
This however will not work.  
  
There’s splintering sound of shattering glass somewhere above the reign of his dining table (that he’s never actually dined at). More shouting follows and now, oh goody slamming doors and - a heard of elephants on the stairs maybe?  
  
Bruce forgoes his long lost sleep pants and drags a sheet with him across to the window to see what’s going on. If he he’s awake he might as well get some free entertainment out of this.  
It’s the big blonde again with his L’Oreal Paris commercial worthy hair. Bruce can almost hear Tony’s voice in his head coming up with some horrible nickname ‘point break or Fabio’.  The blond guy is climbing into a truck shouting something up at the window above Bruce. Yeah it’s not English, something northern European maybe.    
  
Next, a pile of clothes comes sailing from the above balcony, covering the hood of the Ford like confetti. What throws Bruce is that it’s all bras, panties, and dresses. Next, a pair of chunky black heels flies through the air narrowly missing the Blond guys head.  
  
“Lovers quarrel?” Bruce mumbles, watching the blond guy angrily gather up the clothes and toss them into the bed of the truck.  
  
It seems like the fireworks are over for the night, as soon as the big belong impression of Mr. Brawny leaves - it’s quiet.  
  
Thank God for that.

* * *

  
  
Upon his next shift, everyone Bruce knows will rib him about the bags under his eyes. Softly punching at his shoulder and asking if he ‘had a long night’.  
  
Yeah he wishes, unfortunately he his nights are less about sweaty fun and more about that angst creep  and Mr. big mouth and there domestics.  
  
He’ll say no and give them that tight passive aggressive smile he’s famous for before starting his rounds. Almost hoping for a few easy things like kids with legos jammed up their noses or a drunk teen who super glued something to themselves.    
  
Of course he won’t, it will be another busy night in the city, a Friday evening shift ripe with stabbing, shootings, and OD’s. He will think he’s getting off my midnight and he wont…of course he won’t.  Bruce just hopes when he come strolling in at whatever ungodly hour that the man upstairs is passed out or at the very least over at that blondes place making up.  
  



	2. Face of my tormentor

Spring cleaning, people say it like it’s a fun activity.   
  
Bruce would like to tell those people it was in fact not fun. However, it was needed - so this was how he spent his day off. Airing out the apartment and finally getting around to unpacking things and making the place look less like somewhere he occasionally sleeps, and more like a home.   
  
Currently he was out on the balcony setting up flower boxes. It would be nice once everything was finished, vibrant smelling herbs and spice. He planned to use it as an outdoor yoga spot, on days when weather permitted.   
  
He had to admit the bigger space was nice now that he finally got things situated. Bruce even had a space to indulge in his own work, some light research he had been doing over the years on the native plants of South America. Who knows, one of these days he might make some kind of discovery and be famous? Alternatively, just find a few nifty little home remedies. He found the science of it soothing.   
  
Speaking of soothing, the last few nights had been blissfully silent. Only a few light footfalls about and the subtle sound of various string instruments. His neighbor turned out to be quite talented when not shouting at the top of his lungs.   
  
As luck would have it - today was the first time Bruce would have seen aforementioned neighbor. According to the buzzer down stairs L. Laufeyson. The last name was intriguing enough, paired with everything else Bruce was not sure what he was expecting.   
  
The ground floor held their supers apartment, mailbox and laundry room. The property owner an older man who Bruce would have never asked to actually fix anything because he would be too worried the guy would die trying.  The fourth floor was vacant, mostly for storage purposes.  With so few residents, it did not take a rocket scientist to figure out who the tall lanky man in the parking area was.    
  
Really not what he’d expected. For one, the muscle bound guy his neighbor argued with on the regular didn’t seem like this guys type at all. So maybe not a couple then.  Another thing this guy looked more like a model, someone who should be living in one of those modern high-rise apartments father in the city. Then again maybe he was the artist type. It would explain the instruments. As of right now, Bruce watched his previously mysterious neighbor unload groceries from his beaten, half-rusted impala. Points for the car, although it did look like it was healed together with gum and hope. Nice make though.   Defiantly more interesting than Bruce’s Prius.    
  
It got good gas mileage… that was the excuse he gave for being a grown man in a Prius.   
  
“Fuck All!”   
  
The ravenette below shouted as the bottom of his grocery bag finally gave up the ghost and sent goods tumbling over the asphalt.   
  
Taking a chance Bruce strode his cleaning supplies and headed down in the lift, arriving just as the impalas owner was struggling to wrangle up an orange from under his Pruis.    
  
“Hey let me help you with that.” Bruce offered dropping down to shimmy his arm behind the front tire, rescuing the wayward fruit.    
  
He popped up offering the edible with a smile, “Here ya go, I’m Bruce by the way. I live below you.”  
  
The raven looked him up and down bored, “Loki, and I didn’t ask.” Snatching the orange back adding it to the backpack the taller man must have had in the backseat.   
  
Bruce really didn’t have a chance to reply or feel offended as Loki stormed past him into the lift. The long haired male not even waiting to see if Bruce might need to use it to get back to his apartment. The gate shut and the no longer mystery neighbor was gone.

* * *

  
  
“What a dick…”   
  
Bruce had been regaling his friends with his first meet up with Mr. Laufeyson.  Clint in the EMT’s infinite decorum just managed to say what Bruce had wanted to all along.   
  
“I agree with Barton, sounds like an asshole.” Tony chipped in before digging into his burger.   
  
They were all in the Prosthetist office for lunch today because Tony couldn’t possibly be dragged away from his work. So sitting in a cramped space surrounded by metal limbs in various stage completion was often the threes lunch time venue.   
  
“Maybe he was just having a bad day.”  Bruce - the forever enabler   
  
“So is he hot?”   
  
“TONY!”  
  
Clint burst out laughing, “You know he’d ask, I mean yeah where you expecting a miracle Bruce?”  
  
Banner rolled his eyes, “one can only hope, to be honest I wasn’t looking that closely and last I time I dated ‘HER’ name was Betty. So forgive me if I tend not to notice how attractive another man might be.”  
  
“Stark just says that cause he got flipped by the beefcake duo down in ortho rehab.”  
  
To this, Tony picked up a spare leg and smacked Barton with it. “So sue me for expanding my horizons…also, have you seen them? I mean, I thought I got lucky with those conjoined Swedish twins…this though…spectacular.”  
  
“Tony. Please can we not?” Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose, the last thing he needed was to hear about some bizarre sex act.   
  
“The brunettes wearing some of your work right.” Barton added, because Clint never could leave well enough alone.   
  
“Yep, left arm. Some of my finest work if I might add. Mmm…those are magic fingers indeed. Gets Stevie all hot and bothered when he watches”   
  
“Oh god stop…”   
  
Now they where both laughing at Banners expense.   
  
Clint took a sip of his coke and checked his phone; he had a few more minuets until he had to meet Sam back at the bay, “Lighten up Bruce. Ya know getting laid might improve your stress levels, one these days man - kablewwy. I’ve seen it before. One minuet a guys all quiet then WAM…clock tower.”  
  
“I promise Clint, your worries are unfounded.” Bruce assured starting to clean up the sandwich wrappers and bags. “Anyway, seems like I’ll be getting more sleep now so maybe that will be more helpful. Sorry I’ve been a little edgy.”  
  
“No big deal Brucy bear, but seriously if that Loki guys a dick just let us know.”   
  
Sometimes Bruce wanted to strangle his friends other times he was happy to have them.   
  


* * *

  
  
That night the doctor slipped into bed to the subtle song of a cello, “Loki Laufeyson… for someone who can play so beautifully you sure have piss poor attitude.”   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Thin walls hide heavy hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Chapters will become longer the deeper we go into the story, right now I’m just getting my feet wet so forgive the shorter chapter. It make take me a few to get in the groove and switch gears. I hope your all enjoying the story thus far, also i have added cover art for chapter 1

Morning shifts were better, mostly runny noses, coughing toddlers and the occasional lawn care related accident. Bruce was heading out in time to stop by his favorite farmers market and pick up something fresh to cook that evening. Overall, he was feeling good.   
  
He’d been sleeping well; eating right, even gone one for the occasional drinks with his friends and their significant others.  Most of which included impromptu blind dates. Between Natasha, Pepper, Maria, Helen and Sharon... Well. It was positively embarrassing, yet he still kept agreeing to it. The women were all very gracious and kind, not to mention beautiful. However, the conversation never got too far. They all just ended up somewhere in that dreaded realm of ‘the friend zone’.    
  
Bruce didn’t consider himself a very meticulous sort of person, he just wasn’t sure what that ‘thing’ was that made him notice someone.   
  
With Betty it had been her eyes, they were so big and honest. The way she held herself, the way she smiled showing her teeth making her nose wrinkle in that cute almost childish way. Then again, it had nothing to do with her features and everything to do with whom she was inside. Bruce regretted that it didn’t work out with her. Her father was so over protective and Bruce was just not ready to be examined under a microscope just to be close to someone. He’d had enough with asshole fathers.   
  
Betty was happy now. Bruce was…well he was still here and that something, he was making it. Sometimes life isn’t happy. Sometimes it’s unfortunate and hard but you have to weather that.   
  
Bruce was weathering. 

* * *

  
When he pulled in Bruce noticed the return of the burgundy Ford. He quirked an eye at the license plate ‘MYT THOR’.  “He sounds like a winner.” Bruce mumbled taking his groceries inside.   
  
As soon as he got into his apartment, he could hear the argument starting to escalate upstairs. From the kitchen, the words were clearer, not that he was actively eves dropping. It’s just that he hadn’t picked up those earplugs yet.  
  
The ceiling creaked overhead as the stir-fry was just starting to sizzle.  
  
 _“I told you no. You’re wasting not only your time but mine”_  
  
 _“Please just listen to reason Loki, it’s not too late. Father will forgive you just come home… I miss my.”_  
  
 _“DON’T YOU SAY IT! DON’T YOU DARE SAY IT!”_  
  
Bruce felt bad for the guy, the blond must be family and family isn’t always easy. Bruce had been an only child and went to live with his aunt when he was a teenager. Even then, he got along well enough with his cousin Jennifer. However, Bruce knew what it felt like to grow up in a house filled with shouting.   
  
_“What happens when you change your mind about all of this?”_  
  
 _“Change my mind? Chang my mind! I’m not simply picking out pairs of trainers you fool; I’m not going to change my mind!”_  
  
 _“Loki… I just want what’s best for you.”_  
  
 _“Then leave me alone.”_  
  
It seemed like Loki’s brother did care, and god Bruce felt like he was back in his first apartment listening to his elderly neighbors Telenovelas through the wall. He became very invested in if Riccardo was cheating on Consuela. This was real life though, not some made for TV drama and the doctor felt guilty for listening in. “Maybe if put in a cd or something I can drown it out.”  
  
The sounds of the ongoing argument muffled farther from the kitchen. Though the slamming door from about obviously meant things hadn’t gone well. When Bruce walked back from his bedroom spinning an old vinyl between his fingers he discerned things had gone quiet again. Upon inspection of the parking area from his window – the ford was once again missing.   
  
Bruce shook his head and moved to put on the old album, but paused at the low bass whine of a cello seeping through the floor above. He found himself sitting with his head tilted back listening to familiar notes. It was a newer song, ‘say something’ he thought it was called. Not that Bruce kept up with the top 40 but one can’t help but hear things in shopping malls and the like.  
  
He’d never quiet heard it like this before though. There was a pure melancholy to it, the way the strings seemed to ache under the bow.   
  
Bruce moved to open the balcony doors, hoping to hear it a little better. Surely his neighbor wouldn’t mind, after all why play if you don’t want anyone to listen right?  
  
The doctor slipped back to the kitchen to fill up a bowl of the sautéed veggies and grab a bottle of tea from the icebox. If he knew living here would have come with the added bonus of live entertainment he might have invested in a deck chair. That aside he leaned against the brick wall and listen. The instrumental soon joined by a soft tenor voice that seemed a little broken.  
  
 _“Any where I  ...would have followed you…say something I’m giving up on you.”_   
  
  



	4. I think he’s a drug dealer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I’m sorry if this is just not good, kinda feel like no one likes this one. Or maybe it’s just me and personal crap.. I’m trying y’all, really

Bruce is pretty sure that his neighbor is a drug dealer…or maybe a junkie. He isn’t sure which yet but who else gets packages delivered at odd hours by shady looking people. In addition, he’s not sure he’s ever seen Loki leave the building regularly. Like on a normal job schedule.  
  
No, he’s not stalking him; it’s just one tends to sense a pattern with a 9 to 5 kind of person. Loki seemed to be gone…randomly and at all hours. Bruce has even seen the man drenched in black with dark shades leaving at 2am. Who does that…sunglass at night? That’s not safe at all.  
  
Bruce figures it’s just a style thing; Loki has that whole ‘behold the angst’ thing going on. It works for him though, not that Bruce knows a thing about fashion. The doctor lives in scrubs during the week when he’s on trauma rounds, the few times he gets a clinic rotation he’s in khakis and button downs. He only ones one suit and that’s reserved for dates, weddings and funerals. Over all if he had to coin his trend some might call is ‘Kindergarten teacher chic” So maybe it was best if he didn’t judge the fashion choices of others.  
  
Pair the odd work schedule with the packages and oh let’s not forget his European neighbors overall appearance. Pale, thin, often looking a little rough around the edges. Bruce assumed – drug dealer. Ok maybe that wasn’t fair and Bruce really wasn’t the judgmental type. Not like it was any of his business.   
  
He doesn’t care, provided the DEA doesn’t storm the building one morning at the asscrack of dawn. He didn’t exactly favor the bustle of a swat team before his morning tea. Not like it would be something new for him, Bruce has lived in crummy places before, the kind where you have to step over people in the hall and you wouldn’t use the complex pool for fear of contamination. This place is nice though and somehow he figures that must mean Loki isn’t your run of the mill weed men or want to be breaking bad. Most likely, it is higher end stuff, not like the poor souls who end up carted into the ER on any giving Saturday night. The “my dealer said it was pure” ones who accidentally shot up a speedball with a touch of something even worse in the mix.   
  
Loki seemed like one of those music industry go to guys, like maybe he hung out with pop stars in VIP lounges.   
  
The dope angle also would explain the family arguments. Who wants to see there brother circling the drain of addiction?   
  
Part of Bruce really wanted to help, as a physician he knew how physically dangerous a junkie’s life was. Loki seemed ok, if the moody type. Bruce didn’t want to come home and find a cops wheeling out a body bag. Talk about a drop in property value.  
  
He kept telling himself however, that he should stay out of it. Bruce had always been the non-confrontational type. Not to mention he didn’t even know Loki well enough to try and have one of those ‘you’re better than your addiction’ talks like some kind of AA sponcer.  
  
They had spoken twice since what will forever be known as ‘the orange incident’ (at least in Bruce’s head) nothing practically thrilling. Pleasantries sharing the lift one afternoon when Bruce was headed to work.   
  
_“How are you?”_  
  
 _“Fine thanks”_  
  
 _“So you’re a doctor?”_ Loki eyed his scrubs and name badge.  
  
“ _Yeah, down at WestGen.”_  
  
 _“Cool”_  
  
So yes, nothing stellar, once or twice when he’d seen Loki loading what looked like a guitar case into the impala’s trunk; he’d thought about commenting on hearing him play. Bruce decided against that however, to less the risk of looking like a creep. ‘Oh hey sometimes I open my windows so I can hear your music. I don’t have satellite or cable so yeah thanks for the free entertainment. I also listen to your family disputes because your brother is louder than fog horn. Have a nice day!’ Yea he didn’t want a restraining order.  
  
Maybe he should look into satellite …  
  
  
The next ‘potential criminal’ flag went up when Bruce was coming home from an evening shift.  
  
It had been a long night and there was vomit on his tennis shoes. Those poor beat up New Balances had seen more bodily fluids than he’d care to think on. Sentimental value maybe or just the fact that he hated shopping more – he was just going to rinse them off and break out the Lysol spray.   
  
All Bruce wanted to do was go shower, order some take out and melt into his sofa for the next maybe three hours.   
  
He could have ignored the exchange going down on just at the west side of the building. He should have, that still small voice that said – ‘mind your biz Brucey bear, you’ve seen pulp fiction you know how this ends’  
  
Why his conscience would sound like Tony he had no idea. Though the mental reference of John Travolta stabbing Uma Thurman in the chest with a massive syringe was amusing.  Maybe he would skip the health food and order a burger …mmm royal with cheese.  
  
That aside, Bruce sat in his car pretending to fiddle with the stereo while watching the exchange out of the corner of his eye.  
  
Loki was meeting with a woman, and Bruce used the term ‘woman’ loosely. Not that Bruce was a bigot just… the person looked more like a drag queen with that amount of eye shadow and he wasn’t sure what the etiquette for that was. He guessed she could be a hooker, Loki didn’t seem the type to have to pay for it though.   
  
The woman was just as tall as Loki, and trying a bit too hard with the ‘incognito’ vibe. The matrix coat with the collar up paired with her shiny red leggings. Not winning any covert missions. She handed Loki a box and sure enough, the ravenette handed over a folded wad of cash.    
  
Maybe you could dismiss this for something else, maybe…if you’d never worked in a hospital and could recognize the shiny orange sticker on the side of the box. Bruce saw it every day when unpacking supplies.  
  
 **“Caution, sharps”**  
  
Therefore, Loki was buying needles from some shady looking person. This was getting worse by the moment.   
  
Maybe he should say something, or slip a pamphlet about rehab options the hospital had?  
  
Bruce continued inside pretending as if he hadn’t seen anything, it wasn’t his business really. Loki was a grown man and not his concern. Then why was he so concerned.   
  
“Ugh… I need to get some better hobbies.”  
  
  



	5. Auditory Skinamax

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An: ok there is a reason this is oddly humorous, I’m sure some of you have gathered that by now. While I am not making light of the subject matter, what I am doing as taking a dry or blue humor approach to Bruce. In my mind that suits him best really, and I feel like it suits Loki as well. As we go on things will become more serious and possibly dark but I really hope to keep a quirky air with some things. Any who, for those of you reading this, thanks for enjoying and following this work, I love to hear from you! Also for those of you craving more of my Marvel fan works please do check out some of my other shot books or come support me on Wattpad for the exclusives there.

Bruce decided that he was going to do his level best – not to think about the man upstairs. What good would worrying about a perfect stranger do? He’s sure Loki probably hasn’t thought a moment about him.  
  
That was weird, where did that even come from? He doesn’t care what Loki thinks, he doesn’t even know him that well. Bruce just barely cares what his own friends think half the time so why does that creeper up one flat matter. He does not. Not a bit.  
  
The Doctor scrubbed his face, he had pulled Friday night trauma and he needed to get his head in the game. The last thing anyone needed was him spacing out worrying about the possible smack addict that lived above him. Yet every time Bruce closed his eyes he saw flashes of long limbs and pale skin on a crumple in the floor. Track marks and dead green eyes staring at him from far to close.   
  
He needed to get out of here.   
  
Work was…well, it was a Friday. Glory be to the gods of chaos and wrath for they were on their A-game tonight! Gunshots, stab wounds, car wreaks o-my. The unit was off the races as soon as Banner clocked in and nabbed his first clipboard of the night. An appetizer of – ‘my boyfriend stabbed me in the back with a fork’. Well…that Mc Value meal is serious business now isn’t it.  Following that up with a main course of drive by, and a sweet for the pallet – three car pile-up. The bonus being said pile up was set off by a drunk who – unlike the decapitated teenager in the car he hit, would be completely fine.  
  
Bruce really questioned the validity of humanity sometimes, at least in the animal kingdom the line didn’t get shot down on jimmy walker before smacking down a few gazelle for the hell of it. People sucked.  
  
Still though they had their higher points he supposed, all that culture, history…opposable thumbs. We can chew gum and walk at the same time that had to stand for something.   
Ending the night had left him tired and of course like most nights – sticky.  
  
 Bruce was currently wearing a borrowed shirt because he caught an arterial spray and looked like a horror movie extra. So his scrub shirt was now in a biohazard bag in the trunk.   
  
Tugging at the bottom the shirt, it was Tony’s and not big enough, trying to keep it from riding up and making him look like a creepy guy in a crop top. The ridiculous graphic-tee that said, ‘This is what awesome looks like’, being 30 and showing off your hairy belly button is decidedly not awesome for all partied involved. He half thought Tony kept it for just such occasions, he was an ass like that. Bruce was almost 100% sure that was why he saw Steve in a unicorn t-shirt last week.   
  
He was thrilled to lean against the back wall of the elevator and close his eyes. In a few minutes he would be home and oh there was a shower and maybe even left overs. He didn’t work tomorrow so maybe some wine, yeah let’s just tipsy and forget about how sore his feet were and how he stank of antiseptic and various fluids.  
  
It was nights like this when Bruce was more than happy for the extra space in his new apartment. It meant he had a big comfy bed waiting for him. One he could spread out and sink into, the glory of the California king. Extravagant? Maybe, did he care...absolutely not.   
  
Sleep oh blessed sleep, Bruce was dreaming about that pillow as he staggered in shedding off the horribly confining Tee and everything else. Leaving an undignified trail of clothes all the way to his bathroom. He could pick that up tomorrow. A perk of being a single man – your house can look like crap and no one will yell at you for it.   
  
He cranked the shower to hot and between the steam and the ache in his muscles Bruce didn’t remember much. Soaping up and rinsing off was just an involuntary motion.  Afterward he felt a little more human, or enough to flop on those percale sheet and dissolve into the memory foam.   
  
Oh but fate was cruel and teasing mistress wasn’t it. This is why you can’t have nice things Bruce Banner.  
  
Just before the doctor could slip into Morpheus’s embrace he heard voices from above. It wasn’t yelling, he kind of wished it was. IT would be far less awkward than what it was.   
  
Bruce frowned looking at the ceiling, the muffled laugh followed by a thump and then a moan. “You’ve got to be kidding...” He muttered covering his face. Why hadn’t he gotten around to getting those ear plugs yet? He should think about making a to-do list or something. He should also turn on the radio, or maybe get out his phone and try and distract himself with emails. Bruce should do anything other than lay here and listen to his neighbor having sex.   
  
“Are they doing it on the floor?”  It sure as hell sounded like it.   
  
Who does it on the floor? Dose Loki not own a bed?   
  
Bruce tried to ignore it but that was difficult when he realized the pitching cries were not a woman but his raven haired neighbor. The way that elegant voice bled through the ceiling begging _‘harder, harder, I won’t bloody break.’_    
  
Great, now he knew even more than he needed to about the man upstairs. For one he was a bossy bottom and for two a screamer. Oh joy, that’s something to write in his diary about. If Bruce had one, or would need to write this down cause it was in fact seared into his brain – possibly of the rest of his life.   
  
_‘Shut up! Oh god... don’t touch me just... ahh ahh....’_  
  
By now Bruce had his fingers in his ears humming wheels on the bus. It didn’t matter though because his ceiling fan was shaking. Christ almighty how forceful do you have to be? There’s no way he’d ever... ok stop rewind, not thinking about that.   
  
Maybe it was time for that wine.  
  
  



	6. Awkward laundry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm still writing this story if anyone's still reading it...

Sometime in the night Bruce was finally drunk enough to sleep. Bless the gods of alcohol; he was never going to make fun of Tony or Clint and their hangovers ever again. Lord knows he wouldn’t have gotten any sleep otherwise, by the third round of the mating game going on upstairs.   
  
Clearly Loki’s boyfriend had Wheaties for breakfast …or crack for lunch.   
  
Now Bruce was growling at the cold cruel light of day, he hadn’t had a hangover since collage. This was why, that horrid feeling of every part of your body hating you. All those promises of ‘I’ll never do this again, or excuses about not drinking something in the right order’ thankfully Bruce was smarter than that. He knew he did this to himself and the hellish roll of his stomach and pounding in his head were both - well-deserved thanks to the now empty bottle rolling across his bedroom floor.  
  
The doctor stumbled out of bed and made a feeble attempt at breakfast. Coffee, scrambled eggs and aspirin. He shit he needed to do today, there was laundry piled up from the week and dishes in the sink. Thank whatever god was listening that Tony gave him a Roomba as a house-warming gift. Bruce could set the little robovac on task and let it go wild while he took his laundry down. One less thing to worry about.   
  
Tossing everything into a bag the doctor made the trip to the ground floor to the communal laundry room. There were six machines of varied age and quality. There was no one in here yet so Bruce had his pick of the newer washer dryer set. With luck he would be done in an hour or so and have his apartment look somewhat presentable by the afternoon.   
  
Just as Banner was tossing in some scent booster when the laundry room door creaked open.  
  
Fuck….  
  
Loki ambled in with a laundry basket looking like five miles of bad road. His long raven hair tied up in a messy bun and neck covered in. Was that finger prints and bite marks.   
  
Bruce looked away because if he stared to long he would be asking if the younger man was ok and that was stupid question. Loki was fine, probably more than fine judging by that smug little smile on his face.   
  
“Morning Doctor.”   
  
“Morning.”  
  
It’s difficult to stand next to person you have heard screaming in ecstasy. Rather takes away the very important mental barrier of ‘how does this person look naked’. Hence Banner’s current dilemma.  
  
As much as he didn’t want to think about it or remember it through the drunken haze the evidence of his mysterious neighbors evening activities were staring the good doctor in the face.  
  
Loki had bite marks and finger shaped bruises all over his pale skin, showing glaringly under the laundry rooms florescent lights. Purple and red blotches that peeked out of the baggy wide neck sweater the slim man was wearing. Little teasing reminders on the reason for Bruce’s hangover. Even more so an uncomfortable attraction for the self-proclaimed heterosexual male.   
  
Maybe it was because Bruce hadn’t been laid in more than a month’ a Sundays or maybe because he was still a little drunk. Whatever the case he wasn’t exactly looking away when Loki made a show of sorting his laundry.   
  
Bending at the waist in those tight jeans, god those were shapely hips. Bruce felt his face burn and cleared his throat. “So, you must be off today to?” Polite conversation, good job.  
  
“Something like that.” Loki said tossing a load of sheets in with detergent.   
  
That wasn’t cryptic at all.    
  
Then again drug dealers made their own hours didn’t they? Maybe that’s what last night was about, some ‘contact’ couldn’t make a payment so they had an arrangement. Bruce felt guilty for thinking about something like that concerning his neighbor. Considering Loki seemed like an ok sort of guy – if you got passed the attitude.   
  
“Do those work?”   
  
The question pulled Bruce from his musing, he looked down to the little bottle of scented beads in his hand. “They work alright, it was on sale so I thought I’d give it a try.” So smooth, tell him about your coupons Bruce – so impressive. While you’re at it invite him up for some organic goat’s milk and kale. Fucking amazing.   
  
“Do you mind?” Loki gestured and Bruce held out the container.   
  
The ravenette leaned forward and took a whiff, from so close Bruce could see how long the man’s lashes were, eyes fluttering down breathing in the scent of lavender, “That’s quite nice.”   
  
“Yeah...” Bruce’s eyes lingered over the sharp cheek bones and down over Loki’s long neck. The baggy sweater had fallen a bit open at the neckline and maybe it was involuntary – Bruce had taken a peek down more than a few nurses blouses in the past (classy – no, but a man is a man) perhaps his eyes took a route well-traveled out of habit. However, his mind knew there would be nothing there to find amusing. What his mind didn’t know was that there would be something there he would find alarming.   
  
Thick tightly wound bandage.  
  
Loki stood up with a little smile and turned away, continuing on his merry way sorting out laundry. All the while Bruce was masking his concern on why this man’s chest was wrapped. The placement suggest a rib injury, although it could be anything –stab wound, mutilation, anything and the not knowing was worse. From the slight peek Bruce knew it wasn’t medical grade wrapping, it was done with a compression bandage which wasn’t smart. Ace bandages are not made to move with the body, they could cause more problems that good. From tearing muscle, bruised ribs, misshapen spine, and lung damage.   
  
All these scenarios running through the doctors mind. He hadn’t noticed he was being spoken to.  
  
Loki snapped his fingers with a scowl. “Unless you want your shirts to wrinkle I’d suggest taking them out.”  
  
The dryer had finished while Bruce was contemplating his neighbors demise by ignorant home care.  “Oh... thank you sorry I spaced out.” He tried to laugh it off, from the corner of his eye Bruce was watching the young man. Loki didn’t look like he had any difficulty breathing. His movements didn’t seem stiff as though he was experiencing soreness. It was probably fine, whatever it was this was the first time he was doing this. Also if the wrappings where hidden with the baggy sweater it was clear Loki hadn’t wanted his injury noticed. Bringing it up might seem odd to.   
  
_‘Oh by the way I couldn’t help but look down your shirt. Everything ok?’_ yeah, that’s not weird.   
  
Loki’s phone chimed from the folding table. “Ah, would you mind I have to take this.” He said pointing to the washer, it till had a while on the timer but Bruce was the polite type.  
  
“Sure go ahead.”   
  
“Thanks,” He said grabbing up the phone and darting out into the hall, a few harsh words resounded from the receiver  _‘why didn’t you answer’_  
  
 _“I’m answering now, unlike you have to do my own laundry.”_  
  
 _“Don’t get smart with me.”_  
  
 _“I’m Sorry Victor.”_  
  
‘Victor’, Bruce assumed that must have been the name he heard being shouted through the floor boards. He wondered if that was the reason Loki’s chest was wrapped, maybe this Victor guy was the rough type. That made the doctor angry, for obvious reasons – having grown up in an abusive house hold Bruce knew there was never a good reason for someone to raise a hand to their partner.   
  
Why did things have to be so complicated?   
  
A few minutes later Loki swept back into the laundry room gather up his clean close in too much of a rush to fold them.  It was clear the ravenette was agitated.   
  
“So any plans for the weekend, seems like it’s going to be nice.” Bruce asked, maybe the conversational distraction would calm the man down.   
  
“Uh, yes... it should be, Plans? I suppose I do now...” Loki said looking down at his phone.   
  
There was something about that look, Bruce had seen it before. It was the same look his mother would get every morning after his father left for work. The way she would sand at the window watching the car pull away. The soft, sad look that said _‘I wish he’d disappear and I hate myself for wishing such a thing._ ’


	7. Sir Banner the Gallant!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a lil note: I’m going with Julian McMahon as Victor von doom, cause... He was the best and... sooo sexy.. I have had a lady boner for him since Charmed. Shows how old I am. XD. Also I’m sorry this chapter took longer, I had some stress/drama lately that caused a lot of emotional harm due to an individual trying to come back into my life who really wasn’t good for my wellbeing or safety.

_“When I ask you to be somewhere you be there, my time is very valuable. Far more valuable than you.”_  
  
_“I had an interview, I just thought.”_  
  
_“You thought? That’s adorable, which of us have a master’s degree and which of us is an unwashed musician? Do I not take care of you? I even let you indulge in socializing with those other degenerates.”_  
  
_“Victor...”_  
  
_*slap* “I’m talking dear don’t interrupt.”_

* * *

  
 That was the conversation Bruce heard as he pulled into the building parking area. The voices were coming from the small side courtyard of the building, carried by the natural acoustics of the building architecture. Banner recognized one voice and instantly didn’t even care who the other was. The name said in a slight tremble was enough.  
  
Enough to flash images of a smiling woman with coffee colored hair and sad eyes, cowering from smashing bottles and flung plates. A gruff voice in the corridors of his mind and face always marred by a halo of light pouring in from the sliding glass door. Hands grabbing clothing tearing, please of ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I’ll try harder’ or... ‘Not in front of Bruce’.  
  
The doctor wasn’t a large man, standing at only 5 ‘8 he was hardly imposing, but as they say, dynamite comes in small packages.  
  
Bruce was just rounding the corner, his car door still chiming angrily at being left open with the keys still in the ignition. The guy was the same height as Loki but broader, he had that look about him that screamed ‘privilege’. So this was ‘Victor’, in all honesty Bruce really didn’t give a crap about Mr. Trendy and his slicked back hair and nice suit.  The good doctor was seeing red, the red in his memories filled with screams, the red in blood colored tie around this uptown over entitled dick bags neck… the red blooming handprint across Loki’s face.  
  
The doctors fists clenched but he held his temper, flying off the handle wasn’t the answer – not now. It would only make things worse. “Sorry, to interrupt.. Loki are you ok?”  
  
Before the ravenette could respond, Victor interjected. “ Loki is just fine. We were having a discussion, that has hence been interrupted.”  
  
“A discussion, I wasn’t aware discussions included demeaning language and physical violence.”  
  
Victors dark eyes twitched at the doctors insolence. “ And you are?”  
  
Normally Bruce would have introduced himself with a friendly handshake, in this case he adjusted his glasses and crossed his arms over his chest. “Bruce, I live down stairs.”  
  
“Well then, Bruce from down stairs. I suggest you mind your own business, trust me when I say you do not know whom your messing with. I could but this entire building just to make a parking lot.”  
  
The doctor shook his head, “ Why don’t you enlighten me then? How much money dose someone have to have in order to treat someone like garbage?”  
  
Bruce noticed Loki take a step back and look up, green eyes begging him to leave this alone. He wasn’t going to… he wasn’t going to stand by helpless to something like this ever again.  
  
“Victor Von doom though I doubt highly that you would..”  
  
The doctor interrupted, “Von Doom Industries, trust me I know who you are. I also know you don’t need anymore negative publicity and if I were to call a very good friend of mine who just so happens to be on the police force and notify him of a possible domestic dispute he would be more than happy to come check on that personally. So tell me Mr. Von Doom, how much money would you have to pay your PR people to keep your name out of the paper yet again?”  
  
Having a best friend who grew up a rich playboy, Bruce knew from all Tony’s bitching how these things could go. Number one reason why the inventor left behind the corporate world to help people.  Victor however seemed to love power and a threat to his name was the equivalent of a physical slap.  Bruce might not be confrontational in the traditional sense but he was in no way weak.  
  
The rich man sneered, looking back at Loki who has since backed away and leaned against the brick wall. “New knight in shining armor? Dose he know you’re a deep stealth freak?”  
  
Bruce narrowed his eyes and watched Loki pale at the strange phrase. The ravenette opened his moth to protest but Doom lifted a hand.  
  
“I’ll take that as a no, you and I are not done here.” Turning back victor inclined his chin, looking down his nose at the shorter man, “Learning to mind your own business might serve you well in the future. Playing Good Samaritan can be a dangerous game.”  
  
Von Doom stalked passed Bruce, bumping shoulders in some alpha male display. The doctor rolled his eyes. ‘ It’s a wonder he didn’t pee on the wall on his way out’, he thought watching the man go.  
There were things that are more important however.  
  
“Loki I are you ok?”  
  
“I’m fine.” green eyes glared at him, “That was very stupid you know.” However, there was no venom in the words. “I did not ask for your help.”  
  
“No you didn’t, but I’m giving it anyway, now come on you need some ice on that.”  

* * *

  
  
Loki followed reluctantly as the entered the ground floor of the building and entered the lift.  He stood silently in the corner as they came to the second floor. Bruce pulled open the safety gate and waved him inside. The doctor’s apartment was tidy, much more so than his own was. The books were all neatly shelved and a table was situated with different equipment atop, all looking technical and expensive. Plants hung from baskets and the whole space smelled clean and organic, something like rain and spring.  It was all so calming.  Nothing at all like the chaos of his flat just one floor above - no instruments and books littering every corner and surface. No wine bottles, no ashtrays, no signs of struggle.  
  
“Come on,” Bruce motioned to a barstool.  
  
Taking the seat, he waited for the questions, waited for the humiliation but it never came. Instead, a gentle hand pushed his hair back behind his ear and held a small cold gel pack to his cheek.  
  
Ah, bedside manner of course.  
  
“Bastard must wear rings.” Bruce commented, turning Loki’s cheek to see the ridge of a small bruise on the high crest of his cheekbone.  
  
Loki hummed, “His MIT ring.”  
  
The doctor seemed to perk at the mention, “ya don’t say.”  Yet he did not elaborate. Judge by the way he could clearly see the gears turning in the good doctor’s mind- Loki assumed that this information meant ill for a one Victor Von Doom.  
  
“Why are you doing this?”  He had to know, why was Bruce so kind?  
  
The doctor sighed and leaned back against the bar, “I don’t like seeing people being harmed by those who are suppose to love them. I saw too much of it growing up, my mother…lets just say I know how things like this can end and no one deserves that.”  
  
“And what if they do… you don’t know anything about me.”  
  
Bruce looked up at him with such resolve and truth in his hazel eyes. “No one deserves it.”

* * *

  
  
That night Loki Laufeyson lay in his bed alone , staring up at the ceiling that rolled with lights and shadows of passing cars. He could still feel that touch, one too kind and to endearing. One he couldn’t have, Victor was right - he was a freak. He was so close yet so far, on the edge of this life and couldn’t go any further. Loki had fallen into this arrangement with Victor and the mans…particular tastes.  
  
The young man had become a toy, and exotic little treat kept on a shelf and he let it happen. He let Victor do this because he felt like this was all he could have. The only person who would take him as he was, who would find something pleasurable in this body that had betrayed him long ago.  Even know laying in the privacy of his own bed Loki kept his palms flat against the cold satin sheets. He’d not dare let them venture closer. It would break the illusion he allowed his mind to believe. The sweet dream he was so close to.  
  
_“Only touch when I tell you to, and do it slowly.”_   his benefactors words creeping through his head.    
  
“I am a freak.”  
  
  



	8. Daydreams and Nightmares

Bruce spent most of the following days as he did most days, the good doctor was- if nothing else a creature of habit. Water the plants, go to work, and throw in some meditation when you want to smash someone’s face in (usually Tony or Clint), the occasional lunch with a friend and usual chores. When he was free however, he now made a point to speak to his neighbor. Occasionally, he would see Loki standing on the balcony smoking, they would wave and exchange pleasantries. In the evenings or late nights, he would hear the ravenette playing guitar or violin. One of Bruce’s bolder evenings, he shouted up a song request. Sure, enough after a slight pause in the opening cords of “someday”.  
  
He spent that evening humming away to the old tune – quiet surprised Loki even knew it. Considering Banners, friends usually teased him about his ‘old lady music.’ It was soothing though and it had a good message.  
  
 _Someday_  
 _Life will be fairer_  
 _Need will be rarer_  
 _And greed will not pay_  
  
A promise of a better day, and really… didn’t everyone need that?  
  
Through these, ‘fairer days’ Bruce had noticed something else. What he hadn’t seen was a return of a one Victor Von Doom. While Bruce doubted it was the last of the spoiled bastard, he figured the man was biding his time. The good doctor just hoped that Loki had sense enough to end a bad situation before it became worse. Relationships like that had a way of drawing a person in with false hopes, pretty words and lies masquerading as promises.   
  
Loki didn’t deserve that.  
  
That was another side effect, Bruce was thinking too much about his mysterious musician. Whom, thankfully by now, Bruce had figured was not in fact a drug dealer, though Loki may well have a substance abuse problem. There was more to this whole situation… and yes apparently being on drugs and in an abuse relationship could –get worse… Dear Murphy, your laws can eat a bag of dicks.  
  
 Something about what Victor said bothered Bruce. Ok many things Victor said bothered Bruce, but this was one thing in particular.  
  
“Does he know you’re a deep stealth freak?”   
  
What does that even mean? Was Loki some sort of secret agent? Something told Bruce MI6 was more particular about their choice in agents. Loki didn’t really strike him as the Mission impossible type.   
  
More like Mission Improbable.   
  
Witness protection maybe? Then again, if Loki’s had people who knew him visiting and such a high profile boyfriend it didn’t make much sense to be in hiding from a drug cartel or an arms dealer. If he was, Bruce was moving to Canada because clearly there was no faith to be had in the government if that was how they operated.   
  
Then there was the way Doom had said ‘freak’, it wasn’t like a casual add on insult like _“yeah so and so is a total asshat, or yeah whatever... jerk.”_ there was something about the look on Loki’s face, like it honestly hurt. Like that, word was the most powerful blade in dooms arsenal.  
  
 **SHUT UP BRAIN!**  
  
No what hurt were Bruce and his poor mind, why did he care? Why was he laying in his bed thinking about those green eyes framed by long dark lashes, haunted with such sadness? Why was he thinking about how those elegant hands held an instrument, the way raven hair shined like silk or how the smoke swirled from between thin peach tinted lips…and OH. God. Wait.   
  
Bruce found himself tugging at his hair, was he having. Oh the gay feelings… no. Nope, nada. No way. This wasn’t happening, although the little angle upon his shoulder who sounded like a certain archery enthusiast EMT said – “ _yes Bruce it is, but don’t worry. I have an arrow for that.”_  
  
Banner flopped back into his pillow staring up at the silent fan above. He had never had feelings for another man, or any attraction …ok maybe that was a lie. There was that one time in collage but there was tequila and hash brownies involved so really… who’s to say what happened… those pictures were destroyed.  
  
Maybe if you didn’t also count that time he watched the film “Maurice” when it came out on VHS.  Ever since then he’s had complicated feelings about Rupert Graves. Bruce blushes when he watches any Sherlock episode that features the man for more than five minuets. That didn’t mean he’d ever been in a serious relationship with a man, for god sakes, the only ‘serious‘relationship he‘d ever had was with a woman.    
  
“Maybe I’m just… bi curious? Lokisexual? …I wish I still had that wine.”

* * *

  
  
As it so happened, Loki wasn‘t exactly sleeping well lately either. Not so much based on any growing preoccupation with another person. He did like Bruce, Bruce was kind and a funny little man… but he was too good. Bruce helped people, he cared, and he did nice things like helping little old women cross the street.   
  
Loki imagined that Bruce was the kind of person who volunteered at soup kitchens and probably gave money to orphans. That’s what normal well-adjusted members of society did right?   
  
Normal people didn’t live as he did; they didn’t feel like Loki did.  
  
The musician would close his eyes and fight with dreams and memories. Maybe this was why he needed Victor, needed someone to make him numb. To find something worth while, even if it was just as a novelty. An exotic pet, Victor would never actually let him be happy. Never let him feel whole.   
  
Dreams came in flashes of color and cascades of light, he was home… or the place where other people called home lived. It hadn’t been ’home’ in years.  Not since that day.  
  
 _“Loki… Oh darling what have you done_.” his mothers voice crackled through the haze and Loki’s gaze shifted down from the vortex of color to the space between his feet.   
  
They had peach colored bathmats, they were so soft. He always liked them, liked flexing his toes in the soft fibers as he brushed his teeth in the morning.  Oval, peach colored bathmats that matched the towels.   
  
There amid the plush peach fibers were shorn off locks of black hair. Long rings of curls all different lengths, they looked like snakes coiling around his feet.   
  
_“Loki… Oh darling what have you done.”_   
  
He took a stand, he tipped the scales and for a brief blazing moment, he felt so damn proud.  Looking up at his reflection, he was so much younger then, face still soft and rounded… still someone else but in that shining moment, it felt nearly right. The unevenly cropped mess of inky air sticking out in all directions.   
  
_“If you wanted to go to the hairdresser…oh goodness. What will your father say?”_   His mother fretted around smoothing his now short hair down.   She finally gave up and ran to call her beautician, promising they could ‘fix it’.   
  
Loki had made sure it wouldn’t be easy; this was his very own little mutiny. He took his brother hair cream from the medicine cabinet and slicked back the untamed locks. This was who he was.   
  
The image faded and filled with angry words, his hair had been ‘saved’ primed in a doll like little pixie, he hated it. His father’s voice was so angry.   
  
_“What is wrong with you! “_  
  
 _“Darling please…”_ his mother interjected.  _“Loki sweetheart, we are just worried for you. You’ve been behaving so strangely lately, has something happened?”_  
  
 _“I don’t care what’s happened I won’t have you embarrass our family like this, no more of it you understand me! You will behave Loki do you understand! I won’t have this …this perversion in my house!”_   
  
_“Odin!”_   
  
His father’s face was red with anger. That’s when Loki knew, knew he was a freak.   
  
_“That’s what this is Frigga, and you know it. It’s not a phase, smoking is a phase… Wearing black and coming home with a tattoo is a phase! This… is sick.”_

* * *

  
  
Waking in the darkness alone was never easy, stumbling through the apartment into the bathroom with its harsh white light humming overhead, the cold tile floor underfoot.   
  
No, peach bathmats… not anymore.    
  
Loki splashed his face ant threw a hand full of water against the glass blurring his reflection from the neck down.  Maybe he should just call Victor and apologize. He doesn’t feel loved until he’s hated and maybe that’s apart of this sickness. Maybe all the hate he feels when his eyes meet the half-life in the glass. That. Almost person. That abomination that will never be allowed to darken the door of Odin’s home.   
  
No mater what Thor said… they didn’t want Loki back. They wanted a memory, a memory of soft smiles and big green eyes. Of recitals and all the proper things, Frigga had taught her child.  A child that was dead now, this was what was left. He wasn’t even sure this was living.   
  
  



	9. 00Banner

Ok, this wasn’t stalking… not stalking at all. It wasn’t like he was using binoculars and wearing a fake mustache – because that would be crossing a line.  Following someone is just a coincidence, because you happen to be going to the same place, even if you don’t happen to be the party who knows where that place is until you get there. Right??  
  
Right?  Queue cricket sounds…  
  
 …God he’s a stalker.   
  
A creepy stalker who is really following someone at a secretive distance. This is not what Einstein meant when he coined action a distance. Although maybe if Bruce stared hard enough something would happen, doubtful but a good excuse ‘not stalking I’m practicing moving things with my mind... Quantum entanglement and the mediator particles of the Standard Model. Stuff like that. Totally not stalking.’  Yep that would work.   
  
Bruce was just curious, an acceptable excuse as any - and it was a Saturday so it’s not like he had too much shit to do. He was considering calling Tony, His friend had been trying to force him out of the house for weeks now. “Come on Brucey bear! We’ll have fun.” Something about a club down town. In all honest Bruce wasn’t paying attention. Tony had that tendency to just start rambling and one moment you’re talking about coffee and why decafe is inhumane then you end up on the Heisenberg uncertainty principle. Before the end of that conversation they would be on ‘what is in the taco bell beef really?’   
  
Maybe Bruce should really think about getting out more often.  
  
That’s what he’s doing right now so... win win, Today he happened to overhear a phone call (read as was eavesdropping like a 14 year old girl). Loki had been on the balcony conversing about “Filling in for the band.” The idea of watching his neighbor play at club seemed like fun. Still if he asked Loki about it directly, that would out him for eavesdropping. Bruce can’t have that now can he?  
  
So Bruce just kept his mouth shut, instead he got dressed and waited until he heard the sound of the lift passing his floor. Sure enough Loki was loading up a guitar case into the back of his car. Bruce tried to be as covert as possible as he followed the man out, taking his time until all he could make out was the impala’s tail lights. He followed the car for a few blocks into a more trendy and artsy area of the city.   
  
Trendy little coffee shops and art galleries dotting the side walk. Teenagers skulking around on their phones keeping up on the latest celebrity breakup while they vape and probably talk about how no one understands them. Banner rolled his eyes, remember a time when they smoked actually cigarettes, but now everything is electronic.  
  
 Not that Bruce still smoked or even drank that much as he did in his more youthful years. It was more or less the nostalgia.  Also the faint image of his neighbor played in his hind brain. Loki’s long fingers and long nails usually painted black – elegantly holding a thin parliament brand. The amber glow of the cigarettes cherry creating a soft glow across Loki’s angled features. The way his lips purse gently as he inhaled and then exhales the plumes of smoke from his nostrils…how is smoking so damn erotic.  
  
Not a stalker. Not a stalker.   
  
Bruce repeated his little mantra as he pulled into the parking structure that sat just across from the club. Loki pulled behind said building – employee parting most likely. The doctor gave himself the one over in the rearview mirror, not bad – he needed to shave but that whole lumberjack look was apparently cool now. He cleaned his glasses on the tail of shirt before exiting the vehicle. “It’s just a bar, I’m a single guy on a Saturday night, I could go to a bar and it not seem weird.”    
  
“And I’m giving myself a pep talk in a parking garage…. This is my life.”  
  
 The club was called “Merc”. Kind of weird but most clubs had odd names. Maybe Bruce should have looked around at some of the nearby establishments, or maybe he should have had the foresight to maybe google this place before walking in. He would have wished he’d done any of those things before hand, because right now… ‘Super awkward’ didn’t even begin to describe how he felt.

* * *

  
  
Drag Queens….Drag Queens…Everywhere.  This is almost as embarrassing as that time Clint took him to that strip club in Mexico…almost. At least there wasn’t a donkey in sight.  
  
Could this get any stranger?  
  
“Bruce bear! Is that you?”   
  
Oh god yes it could.  
  
Bruce looked over to see Tony (Thankfully not wearing a dress) coming towards him.  “Hey! Did Clint tell you were the club was? I gatta say I didn’t think you’d come on your own, extra stones for you my friend. Anyway, don’t let the ladies scare you they’re harmless… mostly. ”  
  
Before Bruce could say anything Tony was steering him back to a corner booth currently occupied by one half of the Muscle duo Tony was involved with. Bucky Barnes gave him a nod and went back to sipping his drink.    
  
“So! Finally decided to stop being such a little kill joy?”  
  
“Huh? Um... something like that.” Bruce said adjusting his glasses. “So I wouldn’t have thought you two where  ...well  ...this is...”  
  
“Campy as fuck.” Bucky said, “Yeah we know it is but moral support and the drinks are free if your partners performing.”  
  
“Performing?” Bruce question was shortly answered when a broad shouldered lady clad in a black and red French maid outfit with an outlandish blond wig steeped to the microphone. Looking at the person a bit closer Bruce recognized her as the one who delivered the box to Loki.   
  
“Hey there all you sluts, it’s time for the main event. We have a pretty little dish all ready to get her cherry popped! So let’s have a very patriotic round of applause for Stephanie Sparkles!!”   
  
An upbeat brass horn blasted out the first few notes of a 40’s throw back that you had to be dead not to recognize. Bruce cringed when Tony stood up and started whistling and cat calling along with the crowd. Bucky just sat there sedate as ever save for a little smile when the curtain parted.   
  
Yep…that was Steve. Steve in drag. Surprisingly – not bad.  
  
The rehabilitation nurse was in a glittery version of a ladies army uniform (considerably shorter), with garish red lipstick and wavy blond hair. Bruce had to admit though, with the added padding to create a knock out silhouette – the man was stunning, and that face! In a more understated outfit, Bruce doubted highly if anyone would realize that was a man in a dress.  He would definitely have a hard time looking Rogers in the eye after this.  Not after seeing that much leg.  
  
The rousing lip sync rendition of “Boogie woogie bugle boy” brought down the house. Steve didn’t seem the least bit embarrassed to see Bruce when he made his way back to Tony and Bucky’s table. High heels in hand as he sat down on the other side of Stark. “Bruce, hi... so what did you all think. Gosh I was so nervous.”  
  
“It was great babe, so sexy...” Tony purred and not so subtlety tried to snake a hand under Steve’s skirt. This of course got him a warning glare and a curt reprimand of ‘watch it Mister Stark’ from Steve.   
  
Bucky laughed under his breath at the display, “yeah Tones, our Stevie aint’ that kinda girl. Gatta romance her first before you can breach those silky under things.”  
  
“Buck...” Steve whined  
  
Bruce couldn’t help but shake his head and laugh, maybe he should have taken Tony up on this weeks ago. For all he might have objected- this was actually very fun. However, the object of his visit was no were in sight. The thought then occurred to the good doctor that Loki might be a performer, and didn’t that idea strike him a certain way.   
  
“Something wrong Brucy, see something pretty out there. Not all of them have Adams apples. Just supportive family and friends ya know.” Tony poked him in the ribs. Of course Bruce was blushing a bit.   
  
“Ah well actually, ok the thing is I kinda... maybe followed someone here...”  
  
Everyone at the table gave him a look that said ‘you did what’ before Tony burst out laughing. “Oh god... You’re stalking your neighbor aren’t you? The angry euro hottie?”   
  
“It’s not stalking.”  
  
“Admiring from a distance; you’re not going through his trash are you?” Steve said, accepting a drink from a server with a quiet thanks.   
  
Bruce rolled his eyes, “No I am not going through his trash, it’s... Complicated.”  
  
“Alright, so what’s mystery man look like?” Barnes said gesturing out to the rest of the club. “Maybe we’ve seen him.”  
  
“About, 6ft, black hair just past his shoulders, pale, green eyes... Kinda has that Goth thing going on I guess.”   
  
Tony brows furrowed, “Sounds like Wade’s friend, he plays guitar here some time. Shows up with that hack Doom.”  
  
“That’s him.”   
  
Steve looked a bit worried as he toyed with the straw in his drink, “Wade had it out with Victor last week. To be honest I didn’t think Mischief, ah, that’s what Wade calls your friend, and I didn’t think he’d be back. There’s a lot going on there and as weird as Wade is he doesn’t go spreading anyone else’s business.”  
  
“Speaking of the devil.” Bucky spoke up pointing to the bar.   
  
There stood Victor and not far from him was Loki standing next to the ‘French maid’ whom now Bruce assumed to be Wade. There was another young man flanking him with a large pair of DJ headphones around his neck. They were too far away to hear what was being said but based on body language it wasn’t good.   
  
Before Bruce could say anything both Steve and Bucky were out of the booth and headed toward the group. Steve made to ‘remove’ Victor. The man tugged his arm away brushing the sleeve of his suit as if it had just been dirtied by the touch. He was leaving on his own, but looked over his shoulder at Loki. It wasn’t over... that’s what that look was. Bruce knew it because he’d seen that countless times.   
  
It was the ‘when I get home’ or ‘as soon as I put this phone down’ it was a promise.   
  
Loki deserved better, He would never treat Loki that way. 

* * *

  
Bruce stayed a bit longer, the mood had taken a dip for a moment. Loki eventually did play piano for a few of the performer’s acts, he also accompanied the young man in the DJ booth who played back beats to the ravenette Guitar. The good doctor however, still lacked the courage to approach and say anything.   He felt like Loki had enough on his plate right now he didn’t need an over bearing neighbor with complicated feelings thrown in the mix.   
  
"I really need to sort this out."  
  
  



	10. Embrace the rainbow

Bruce was just walking down the hall about to enjoy a nutritious lunch ( going to the vending machine to see what was available for the $4.35 he had.) when a hand shot out from one of the rooms and tugged him inside the darkness.  
  
He did not scream no matter what anyone says. There was no womanly shriek what so ever, if anyone says that there was they are filthy liars.   
  
The light switched on and fortunately, for Bruce there was no knife wielding masked killer, just his friends, Clint, Tony, and Steve. Although, one might argue that a killer might be better.   
  
Of course this was the first time Bruce had seen Steve since the club, and that was not odd at all. Do not look at his legs banner! …oh to late…  It is awkward to look at a huge man that you have seen in nylons and not try to do a quick comparison.    
  
This however, was not about Steve and his shapely gams - this was about Bruce and his painful infatuation with his neighbor. His friends could no longer stand idly by and watch him pine like a hormonal teen.   
  
“Alright, sit down. This is an Intervention.” Tony started   
  
Clint snorted at the phrasing, “You would know all about interventions wouldn’t you.” This eared the EMT a soft punch in the shoulder from the blonde to his right.   
  
Tony just rolled his eye, “Yeah yeah, anyway! Before I was so rudely interrupted by Robin Hood wanna be…”  
  
“Steve’s the one who likes tights…” Clint muttered. The punch was a little harder this time. Barton really needed to learn to stop while he was ahead.   
  
“Brucy…” Tony continued his spiel, pulling a chair over and forcibly sitting Banner down. “We know you like him, now I’m not telling you to break out a pride flag and say goodbye to the lovely ladies forever. I am just saying that there is clearly something you see in Mr. Tall, Dark and Broody. So why not try? “  
  
Bruce started to open his mouth and object but that was quickly shut down.   
  
“Before you say no stow it. You have been talking about the guy for months and you follow him around for god sakes. You like him and you know it, I know it, everyone in this room knows it. “Tony said gesturing around the room and receiving affirmative nods from his comrades.  
  
“He has a boyfriend if you recall.” Bruce reminded.  
  
Tony in true fashion rolled his eyes.  “Hell, you’d be doing him a favor! I knew Doom back at MIT; he was a total douche then and an even bigger one now.””  
  
“Tony…” Bruce was ready to beg off that there was no possible way he could approach Loki like that, when Steve spoke up.  
  
“About Victor, I talked to Wade and…”  
  
“Oh god bless you …” Clint gushed, “I tried that once…Wade is bat shit…oh sorry continue.”  
  
Steve glared with a look of disapproval, hands resting on his hips. “…I talked to Wade; he wouldn’t give me any specifics just said that he met Loki through his partner Peter, who brought Loki in cause he felt like Loki needed more positive people in his life. He was pretty evasive, but I get the feeling that maybe Loki came out to his family and it didn’t go well. It was something pretty traumatic. What ever happened he was really damaged by it and Victor just picked up on that and has been using him.”   
  
It made sense, men like Victor were predators. Growing up influential gives you an edge, like a shark sensing blood. Tony could attest to his own checkered past. When you have enough money, sometimes you can afford not to be kind, as sad as that was. Whatever happened to Loki, whatever was so bad that he found himself alone - Victor saw him as prey.   
  
“Yeah…I kind of saw an exchange at our building a while ago…” Bruce said, looking down at a very interesting patch of time floor. “I think there maybe drugs involved to.”  
  
“Jesus… ok now maybe I’m going to sound like an ass here. But I’ll risk it - are we sure pushing Bruce at his heroin chic crush is really the best idea?” Clint said, and bless him he meant well. He wasn’t necessarily wrong.   
  
Tony had to think that over now, he didn’t want his friend pulled into all that drama if Loki was mixed up in something more sinister that just an asshole boyfriend. “Alright, point valid.”  
  
“Bruce, do you think he would take help of it was offered?” There Steve was with that mothering temperament. That man was to giving for his own good sometimes. Always looking for that silver lining,  
  
Thinking it over, Bruce really couldn’t be sure. There were times when he’d see Loki and catch that glimmer of something in the taller mans eyes - like an unspoken plea. Would it be too presumptuous. Many victims of abuse tend to become so dependant on their abusers that the thought of leaving them is breaking an addiction in itself. Added to that, if Victor was supporting a drug habit then it may be near to impossible. Still, Bruce wanted to believe. He wanted to believe in it as he believed in the deep emotion the ravenette could pour into every note of music. Loki wanted out; needed out, needed…something that Bruce couldn’t quite put his finger on.   
  
Bruce wanted to try to help him, free him. Then…maybe be a little more. “I think so, if it was just me asking. I think he might.”  
  
Clint clapped his hands and slid off the low side table. “Right its settled, so ‘operation: get Banner laid’ is now  ‘operation: Loki rehab’.” This was met with a high-five from Tony  
  
“you are both so wildly inappropriate it is astounding..” Steve said throwing up his hands as he walked out of the room. Bruce quietly following the one sane person he knows. 


	11. Would you like tea or a restraining order

Bruce had his plan and a pocket full of pamphlets, this was going to work. Well.. At least he thought it was until Loki cornered him in the lift. So much for that glorious plan he had, ‘Bruce Banner staring in - The benevolent doctor, queue soap opera opening’. Yeah it was really good. Unfortunately, all that well thought out finesse was falling by the way side.   
  
“Hello Doctor Banner.”   
  
Why was he standing so close, and wow did, he smell good. Kinda flowery and musky  but not overly feminine or masculine just…good. Like a hot cup of Darjeeling. Damn it…  
  
“Um..Hello Loki, I ..Well actually I was just going to come up and..”  
  
“Follow me again?” Loki smirked, green eyes shining in the flickering greenish white light of the lift. “Your not exactly James Bond you know. Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”  
  
Bruce froze, “I…I can really explain that…”  
  
“Are you stalking me?”   
  
“What no!” Bruce fumbled with his hands and stared pulling the rehab pamphlets out only to have the slippery laminated paper fall out of his hands and scatter across the floor. “I was.. Well I know its not my business but.. You seem like you might, well you deserve better. And ..I just..”  
  
Loki took a step back as the doctor stooped during his rambling to try and gather up the foldouts. The ravenette bend and picked up one of the strays and turned it over regarding the title. “ Addiction and you…oh my, I think perhaps we should have talk  as you have entirely the wrong idea.”  
  
“I..I do?” Bruce cocked his head to the side and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.   
  
Loki sighed handing back the literature, “Yes you do, and while I find it…rather adorable you would go to such length to insure I’m not some junkie, you are wasting your time. Now, why don’t we go up to mine and have a cup of tea while I lay your fears of..”  He gestured to the nearly dozen flyers Bruce was not clutching to his chest in a messy pile. “This. To rest.”  
  
“Tea?”   
  
“Yes tea, or would you prefer I phone a constable and secure a restraining order?”   
  
A blush spread across the slighter mans face, “Yes, thank you tea would be lovely.” 

* * *

  
  
Loki’s place was… eclectic? Was that the nice word for chaos? It felt like it was, there were instruments in various locations around the flat, along with every machine one could think of to play music on. From a tall gramophone in the corner, the hi-fi against the wall and a digital docking system in the kitchen. Framed posters lined the walls and don’t get him started on the books, every shelf was full and stacks stood around the living space.   
  
“I would say forgive the mess but… I don’t really care. So, find a seat. Do you have a preference for your tea Bruce?”   
  
The doctor pushed aside a stack of magazines to free up a chair. “Not really, just whatever you normally have is fine.”  
  
Loki raised an eyebrow and smiled, “Suit yourself.”    
  
The ravenette disappeared into the kitchen though Bruce could still hear Loki’s voice carry as he spoke, “I prefer blended teas, it’s a bit like magic the way all of the flavors layer together into a beautiful potion.”  
  
Bruce looked back over his shoulder were he could just make out where Loki stood in front of the range putting a kettle on. “I’ve never looked at it that way.”  
  
Loki hummed, “Most people don’t, most see a blended tea and think its just some loathsome hipster fetish. Something you drink to say that you drink it, or go to some trendy little boutique and look like you have some refined palate. People think to hard. This for instance, is a  black currant tea, earl grey bravo mix, topped off with white blueberry leaves.”  
  
“Why did you choose it?”   
  
A small but sad smile flirted on the slender mans lips, “it reminded me of someone.”   
  
They fell into a comfortable silence until the teapot sounded. Loki reappeared with the cups warning Bruce to allow it to steep for a few moments before fully enjoying it. The doctor dutifully nodded, watching  the long artistic fingers of his neighbored situate the cups on the coffee table.   
  
Loki had, really lovely hands that moved so delicately and those oddly long nails …  
  
“Is everything alright?”   
  
“huh..I..um..yes?”  Great Bruce you were staring  “I mean yes of course, look I want to apologize for…” He cringed to finish, “For following you. That, must have seemed very weird and I‘m sorry.”  
  
Loki nodded picking up his cup, “So why did you? Or were you concerned I would be meeting with my dealer, which I do not have by the way.”  
  
Bruce sighed, really wishing he had thought of a plan B here, “Honestly, curiosity was part of it. I heard you while I was watering my plants on the landing, you were on the phone and I ..over heard saying you would be playing somewhere. You really do play beautifully.”  
  
“You could have asked, am I truly so intimidating?” Loki smirked and Bruce thought perhaps Loki enjoyed the thought of others finding him intimidating.   
  
“The situation was more intimidating I guess you could say, I didn’t want to impose or look creepy but… I guess I still did the later huh?”   
  
Loki nodded to himself taking a sip of tea, of course, Bruce found his eyes fall to those pink lips pursed at the porcelain edge.   
  
God he had it bad, Bruce felt like he was fourteen all over again staring at his cousin’s friends from cheerleading. So many summer days the gawky teen spent hiding behind he curtain in his upstairs bedroom watching those lovely athletic senior girls practice on the trampoline. One in particular, he cannot remember her name maybe it was Stacy or Tracy. Something likes that. She was tall, like model tall with dark brown hair and big blue grey eyes. Her chest was not as impressive as the other girls were but she had them beat when it came to those thighs.  Great. Now he’s looking at Loki’s legs, those are very tight jeans.   
  
What Bruce didn’t realize was that Loki had been quietly following his eyes. The doctor was very amusing.   
  
“I think perhaps… you enjoy watching far too much doctor.”  
  
Bruce felt his face heat. “Sorry, look I promise I’m really not stalking you.  I just happened to notice things and then with your boyfriend. I guess I just… You’re too talented for someone to treat you like that.”   
  
It was sweet, too sweet Loki thought. Bruce believed all of these wonderful kind hearted things and didn’t even know him. “You needn’t worry. I can handle Victor; he…requires a certain technique to supplicate his temper. I’ve become used to him.”    
  
The way Loki said that it seemed like…surrender. “You shouldn’t have to placate someone to keep them from hurting you.” Bruce said with a touch of irritation in his voice, “And… forgive me for prying but, I saw that friend of yours from the club bringing over a box of medical supplies. Syringes and so that’s why I thought maybe there was a problem.”   
  
Loki froze when he said that, “You saw that. Well, I can assure you that it is nothing so sinister. Wade was only trying to help me. Victor pays for most of my needs but he has decided to end his support for others because he doesn’t care for the results.”   
  
Bruce furrowed his brow, “Are you. Are you sick?”   
  
Loki gave a humorless laugh, “I was born sick.”   
  
“Loki…if you need help, if you need consult or something like that you can always come into the hospital. I volunteer in the community clinic on the weekends you could…” A raised palm cut off Bruce’s offer  
  
“Please don’t, Bruce. You really are such a kind man but… you wouldn’t be if I did take up your offer.”  
  
Why did Loki have to be so cryptic? “Whatever it is Loki I wouldn’t judge you.”   
  
The ravenette took a defensive posture, “Oh, you would be the first. Or maybe you and Victor have more in common than you think.”  
  
Bruce shook his head looking down into the aromatic tea as if its depths held the answer. “I don’t have anything in common with a man like that, and personally I don’t think you do either. I know it’s not my place Loki… But you could do so much better.”  
  
“No, I really can’t.”    
  
Silence settled between them as Bruce took a sip of the now cooler tea. It was very good. Still, the sweet-bodied flavor sunk in his stomach looking at the sadness in Loki’s eyes. “You shouldn’t think that, I don’t know what happened to you and obviously I have no room to talk about becoming well adjusted. I’m pretty much the poster child for how not to behave. You… you’re not like anyone I have ever met and I say that in the best possible way. So don’t let someone like Victor Von Doom ruin that.” Bruce set his cup down. “I’m sorry, really. I will make a stronger effort in minding my own business.” The doctor made to get up and leave, he was satisfied knowing that whatever Loki’s problem was at least it wasn’t drug related. At least not illegal, whatever else might be wrong he clearly wasn’t ready or willing to seek help?   
  
Before Bruce could reach the door, though Loki surprised him.   
  
“Stop…please…Bruce. Can I ask you just one thing?”  
  
Bruce turned seeing the nearly heartbroken look on Loki’s face, he was reaching out, and maybe he was wrong. “You can ask me anything.”  
  
Loki swallowed thickly and drew himself out of the chair. “What do you see when you look at me?”  
  
The doctor pondered for a moment before turning fully and looking at the ravenette, “I see someone who doesn’t realize how much they are worth. Someone who deserves a lot more respect than they get. A lot more care then they get.”  
  
“What else, Please Bruce…”   
  
“I see intelligence, maybe a little mischief, I see a good man who has been told he’s bad far too often.”  
  
Tears gathered in the corners of Loki’s expressive eyes, “Thank you.”  
  
Bruce found himself stuck; he just could leave like this… The doctor found himself walking toward the lanky musician taking Loki’s long hands in his own. “Please tell me what’s wrong. I’m a doctor Loki, whatever it is… how ever bad you think it is.” He said searching the taller mans face, looking fro any sign of illness.   
  
“I am….I was…” It seemed like Loki just couldn’t find the words. “Come with me…”   
  
Before Bruce could object, the grip on his hands was returned and Loki was pulling him up the stairs and into the bedroom. His heart was pounding because…really, they had just had this oddly deep conversation and maybe this was a little fast. He would like to take Loki to dinner first or maybe a movie, and then there was that little issue of Victor…and oh wait…not sex. Loki was riffling through the wardrobe like a man. Leaving Bruce standing awkwardly in the middle of the room not exactly sure what to say.  
  
“..Here.” Loki suddenly turned and thrust a photo in his hands.   
  
It was an old framed family photo, a man with a beard and a rather stern expression. A woman with a kind smile was seated in front of him; to her right was blond teenager. The boy grinned brightly and had his arm draped protectively against a little girl in a forest green dress. She had long raven hair that hung in loose curls and big green eyes. There was something about her eyes…  
  
“That’s my family…and that…is me.” 


	12. Who I was. Who I am

“You‘re, Transgender…I think we’re gunna need some more of that tea.”

* * *

  
Loki had never really been asked why in a positive manner when it came to who he was. The whys always came with an air of accusation. That same embittered tone as if he was trying to be as difficult as possible.   
  
‘Why are you doing this to us?’ his family would say. Their faces marred with such pain and disappointment. Every line around his mother’s eyes etched with worry, the frown that looked so out of place on his brother usually cheerful face. The glare of disgust in his father’s eye. ‘Why are you doing this to us?’  
  
He wasn’t doing this ‘to’ anyone one but himself, if he had the choice he wouldn’t have done this at all. It was just too hard to live a lie, to keep smiling and doing all the things he was supposed to do knowing all the while it was wrong. That sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach every hour of everyday that said ‘this isn’t me... but it is....’ Nothing fit, nothing felt like it was supposed to. This was not choice it was survival. This was just as essential as breathing.  
  
Even if it made him a freak or an abomination- As his father had said.    
  
Something to be fetishized and used, as Victor had.  
  
For once, this wasn’t like that, it was a quiet and kind sort of question. The way Bruce looked at him wasn’t judging in anyway, he just wanted to know… or maybe Bruce could see that Loki wanted someone to know. Needed someone to hear the words that he’d held in so long because he was afraid they made him dirty. Maybe that was why this came with so much more ease than he could have imagined.   
  
“Ok, why don’t you start at the beginning? I’m here for you.” Bruce said as they sat in the kitchen over another cup of tea.   
  
No accusations, no cruel words… no imploring or salacious requests. Just… openness.   
  
It felt like seeing color or hearing music, a freedom to just…say those words.  
  
“That photo…I keep it because, that was when I knew I was…different.” Loki began looking down into his cup, the amber liquid darkening with memories.

* * *

  
 _“Come on darling.” Her mother said, “You’re both old enough to pick something out for yourselves and…” Frigga looked away from her daughter to seize her eldest boy by his ear, “Thor! What did I say?” The older boy was already not paying attention and trying to wave at a group of young ladies in a department over._  
  
 _The blondes’ eyes glassed over for a moment, “Oh um…yeah aren’t here for fun we have to find something to wear for the photographer.”_  
  
 _“Exactly,” she gave an exasperated sigh, “Now, as I was saying… You’re both old enough; I’m going to the ladies department to find something for myself. Thor, you find something quickly please and then go with Loki. Do not let your sister out of your sight.”_  
  
 _“Mother” Loki rolled her eyes; she was eight and a half clearly not a baby and did not need her brother lording over her._  
  
 _Frigga’s hands rested at her hip as she leveled both children with a hard look, “No exceptions.”_  
  
 _Thor laughed and grabbed his younger sibling’s hand. “Don’t worry! I’ll protect her!”_  
  
 _Loki tried to tug her hand away only for her brother to tighten his grip, honestly that oaf took his role as big brother far too serious._  
  
 _Their mother nodded and headed on her way, leaving the 13-year-old in charge._  
  
 _“Alright, come on sister. I’ll get something quickly then you can…do whatever girls do.” Thor said pulling her along to the junior boys section of the department store._  
  
 _The blond flitted around looking as a few dress shirts and ties; you could tell Thor could care less about the photo. He easily became distracted when the group of older girls wandered past on their way to the shoe section. Loki eyed him as he smiled and leaned into the girl’s space. The way they all fawned for Thor, he looked older with his added size over the past summer._  
  
 _She crossed her arms and ignored the moron in favor of looking around; maybe if she found him something they could go. Not that Loki was in a hurry to pick out a dress, she hated them. Hated how they fit, how they felt on her skin. She hated how she couldn’t play wearing one without risking ruining it. Instead of rough housing with the boys Loki’s mother told her to practice piano, or sew._   
  
_“You want to make a good wife one day don’t you?” She would say._  
  
 _Loki found herself looking at a display of dress shirts sealed in plastic, they came with ties and everything.  She looked over the stack and one caught her eye. A black shirt with a green tie, she ran her slender fingers over the plastic watching how the untouched silk tie flexed under the weight of her fingertip. Mother said she could wear whatever she wanted…_  
  
 _As the siblings returned to where they were to meet their mother Thor looked cautiously over at what his sister had clutched to her chest. “Those are boys clothes you know that right?”_  
  
 _“Once they are my clothes they won’t be. Why do you care?”  She sniped clutching the celo wrapped dress shirt, Loki also had a pair of black slacks draped over one arm._  
  
 _Her brother did not say anything directly, simply murmuring ‘you’re weird’ under his breath._  
  
 _When their mother returned, she smiled brightly, a purchase of her own in a bag at her side. “Well let’s see,” She said brightly looking at what her children had picked out._  
  
 _Thor looked bored already and handed a similarly wrapped gray shirt with a red tie._  
  
 _“Oh this is lovely dear, and Loki what do you have their sweetie?”_  
  
 _Loki shyly handed over the shirt and trousers and watched her mother’s look of confusion. “Thor, why don’t you go find your father?” Frigga said, her older child dashing away without much coaxing. “Loki dear, these are for boys…did Thor not take you to the right section?”_  
  
 _“You said I could pick what I wanted.”_  
  
 _Frigga smiled and took her daughters hand, “I did say that didn’t I… how about maybe you come with me and see if there might be something else you like?”_  
  
 _Loki followed and did not say a word when her mother set the shirt and pants aside. Taking up the first dress in a similar shade to the tie, they came across._  
  
 _“There, this is much better isn’t it?” Frigga said with a smile and Loki didn’t have the heart to tell her no… no it wasn’t._

* * *

  
  
“I never could get that out of my head, a month later I took one of my brother’s old shirts and shorts out of a storage bin and put them on. I pulled my hair back and looked at myself in the mirror and I thought…I look like a boy. I liked that, maybe I didn’t understand then what it meant then, it wasn’t until I grew older. I was so much taller and thinner than the others in my class. My features were not like my mothers, they were long and angular. I was told I favored my grandfather, I only knew him from photographs dressed in his uniform. I didn’t mind really, I did not care for make up and frills.” Loki pushed his empty cup away.    
  
“When I was twelve my father sent me to a private school for gifted children. It was away from our home, for the first time I could do, as I liked and I had this idea. No one knew me, so when I reported to the housemaster to pick up my uniform I signed for the boy’s uniform. I only got away with it for a few weeks… but I loved it. I loved the way people looked at me, how when I walked through the courtyard and the girls would stare and wave. The way they did for my brother and some of the boys too… Then everyone found out I was a liar and a freak. They called my parents for a conference and my father was so angry…” Loki’s eyes glistened in a faraway gaze. 

* * *

  
  
_“Did you think fooling everyone was some great game? Did I send you here to play dress up?” Odin growled staring down at his daughter, who was now in the correct uniform._   
  
_Hands clutching her bare knees, Loki was all arms and legs and the uniform came up higher than it should have. She hated how exposed it made her feel._   
  
_“Thank god I was the one who took the call, what would your mother have thought? Are you trying to hurt her?”_   
  
_“Father I just…”_   
  
_“No! No excuses Loki, no more tricks no more games and no more lies!”_

* * *

  
“I became a leper among my peers, it made me hate them …hate everyone. Even myself.”   
  
As Loki spoke, Bruce could not help but reach out placing his hand over one of the slender males. “Children can be cruel because they don’t understand.”   
  
The ravenette nodded, “When I came home that summer, I had…had my first menstrual cycle and it was like my body was rotting inside out. I remember standing naked in the bathroom and staring at myself and begging it all to stop. Let me be thin and tall. Let me look like a boy…like anything other than this. I hated how my hips were beginning to widen and my…my chest…” Loki almost choked on the words.   
  
“Was that when you started binding?” Bruce asked. Hoping that wasn’t when, constant binding by someone who didn’t know exactly what they were doing was dangerous. There was no telling what harm Loki could have caused himself.   
  
Loki shook his head, “I had no idea then what was wrong with me, and I thought I was going crazy. That something in me had to be broken that I thought this way.  I thought if I could just stay thin then I would not develop in ways I did not wish to. Therefore, I restricted everything and meticulously monitored my weight, just low enough so that I wouldn’t have…that… problem. Of course my mother worried then, though perhaps he special schooling was too much for me or the girls perhaps were cruel to me .When I was 16 they withdrew me. My father wouldn’t even look at me; he said I was throwing everything away, that I should ‘grow up’.  So I did, I grew but not how he wanted….”

* * *

  
 _His father’s face was red with anger. That’s when Loki knew, knew he was a freak. Knew his father didn’t love him anymore, and never would again._  
  
 _“That’s what this is Frigga, and you know it. It’s not a phase, smoking is a phase… Wearing black and coming home with a tattoo is a phase! This… is sick. Who do you think you are?”_  
  
 _“I’m a boy!” Loki shouted before the he could even think about the words. That’s why he cut his hair, that’s why he hated this body that didn’t fit. For once in his life, he felt so sure in how he felt. Like those three simple little words unlocked everything that he held inside._  
  
 _His mother covered her mouth and looked away; he wanted her to look at him… To tell him this was ok, that he was ok. He wanted to will her to care for him the way she used to, take him into her arms and make all the bad things go away._  
  
 _“You are a freak…that’s what you are! You are not a man and never will be, you’re mad and I will put an end to this!”  His father shouted and charged forward snatching him by his now short hair._  
  
 _It hurt as his father pulled him harshly across the living room until he fell to his knees. Odin took a photo of Loki as a child from the piano, thrusting the image under the young man’s nose. “You are a girl Loki do you see this? You were born a female, and no amount of delusions are going to change that!”_  
  
 _“Father  Stop!” Thor shouted from the stairs as he bounded down to end this. To protect his precious younger sibling from their patrons rage. However, Odin flung the photo in the direction of his elder son, narrowly missing as Thor ducked his head. The frame shattering as it struck the wall, glass and bits of the wood frame flying._  
  
 _“Thor no…” Frigga moved to try and push her son back up the stairs. “Just go…get Loki’s things please go and get them please…”  She then turned as Odin left Loki in a heap next to the piano. “Darling… Just calm down I’m sure… I’m Loki just needs some time maybe a doctor of some kind…perhaps. Perhaps some time to think? ”_  
  
 _“I have given her everything! The best teachers, the best instruments because she has talent and now look at her! ”_  
  
 _The silence was deafening as Loki picked himself up and met his Brother at the foot of the stairs. Taking the bag and looking back at his mother. She moved to touch him to hold him as he desperately wanted her to._  
  
 _“No! Do not touch her…Get out Loki… you get out of this house and don’t come back until you have come to your senses.” Odin shouted moving between them._  
  
 _Loki didn’t wait, didn’t look back he just. Left._

* * *

  
“A year later I was sleeping in an alley way and Victor saw me. His PA cleaned me up and put me in a suit, which was the first time I had my chest bound. I didn’t even know where I was going. I had…done things before to get by, things I’m not proud of so I thought maybe this was the same thing.  He said he had a taste for the exotic, that he liked the way I looked…the way I was somewhere in between. He gave me a home, and then I wanted more… I was greedy I suppose. I found the club and then my friends there; they helped me they said they knew someone who could help me be who I am. The testosterone shots…I started them and it was like…being re born. I could look at myself and see the changes the way my body was shape, my face, my voice… Even my skin… It was me…”  
  
Loki had tears in his eyes that slowly began to spill over and Bruce couldn’t help it, he stood and moved around the table and pulled Loki into a hug, “Loki… I know this feels right but it could be so dangerous. These underground markets… you never know what you could be getting. Please tell me how long you’ve been doing this?”  
  
Loki felt a complete mess sitting her crying on this kind man’s shoulder, “A year… Victor. About six months ago, he found out  and he was very angry. He wants me to stop because I’m beginning to look to masculine.” Loki chuckled… “Me… Too masculine, I never thought I would have that problem.”   
  
Bruce knelt down in front of Loki, brushing his thumbs over the other man’s face. “Would you stop? I’m not saying this because of Victor; I’m saying this because it could be unsafe. If you want, I can take your injections in to be tested in the lab just to be sure, they are what they say they are. I’d also like to examine you just to be sure you haven’t hurt yourself with the binding. Listen, you have no reason to be ashamed, and I‘m here if you need someone. Please Loki, let me help you.”  
  
  



	13. The doctor is in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't chew me out over any medical inaccuracy. I am not in the medical profession, the closest i come is grading papers for an ICD and Med Term class. 
> 
> if my views on gender are not shared well..idk that's your issue not mine. I see gender as a spectrum.

They had gone back to Bruce’s apartment, it was the reasonable thing to do, and since the doctor wanted to be sure, Loki was all right. Bruce also did not want to leave Loki alone in such an emotional state, after all it looked like there was a fair amount of alcohol in the apartment and not knowing the possible content of Loki’s T-shots could be dangerous with copious amounts of booze.  
  
Therefore, Bruce gently led Loki out suggesting that they come down to his flat and just talk.  
  
After coming clean with everything Loki seemed almost numb to everything, he simply followed the guiding touch when Bruce’s hand slipped to his lower back. Quietly allowing the doctor to steer him away from this place and its assortment of memories.  
  
Bruce sat Loki down in a kitchen chair and gave the younger man a glass of water. “Ok, you said you have been on testosterone for about a year?”  
  
“Yes”  
  
“Right,” The doctor looked around snatching a stool from the bar and a note pad. It would have to do for an impromptu medical history.  “Were you on any other medications before?”  
  
Loki flushed for a moment, “I was a very nervous child, I took some sort of medication for it until I was older around 10 or so. Aside from that no. Some school counselors had suggested perhaps I return to the medication in my early teen years but, my father was against it.”  
  
“Right…” Bruce mumbled jotting down the info. Chances were that Loki had been suffering with anxiety and depression that stemmed from dysphoria. The fact that he was likely still suffering under all these incorrect social views and shaming by the people around him. It all made Bruce angry. His aunt hand been progressive and taught him all about acceptance. Bruce had friends of different sexual orientations, colors, and religions.  
  
How could someone treat a human being so badly?  
  
“How long have you been binding and in what sort of time stretches do you wear them?”  
  
Loki thought on this one, “When I met Victor, he preferred me to do so in public but not in private. He…” Loki swallowed thickly and looked away, “He would …have be wear garments… female garments…” The fact was that Loki could not even utter the word Bra with out having feeling sick rise in the back of his throat. He hated wearing them but felt he had no choice when it came to Victor. “I bind for perhaps a few hours, anymore and my chest begins to ache.”  
  
“And how many t-shots were you taking?”  
  
“Two every month, I started on three but it made me sick.”  
  
Bruce made a few more notes before setting the pad down and going to get a med kit from his bedroom. He always kept one on had incase he ever came across an accident. This also gave him some breathing room away from Loki to try to calm down and think about what he was going to need. What Loki was going to need, blood work was defiantly in order. He would check his chest sounds and hope for the best. If there was anything, he didn’t like about it then a chest x-ray.    
When he came back in the kitchen, Bruce tried his best to smile and put his impromptu patient at ease.  
  
“If its ok with you I’d like to just check your heart and lungs, just a basic physical to see how your doing. Then I’d like to look at your injection sites, after that how about some dinner?”  
  
The dinner offered Loki hadn’t expected, “That… that would be lovely thank you.”  
  
Setting down the black case Bruce set out his instruments, “Are you binding today?” He asked casting a look over his shoulder; it was hard to tell in the oversize shirt Loki was wearing.  
  
The ravenette flushed, “No… ah, will I have to… to take off…”  
  
“No, no it’s fine on.” Bruce interrupted, not wanting Loki to feet uncomfortable. “We can work around that I promise.”  
  
Bruce had always been one to excel at bedside manner, seeing how nervous Loki was at the prospect of being seen or touched made him want to do everything possible to put him at ease. Taking his stethoscope, the doctor warmed the diaphragm in his palm before handing the chest piece over to his patient. “Ok I want you to put this on the left upper part of your chest, ok? “  The doctor spoke gently pointing on his person about where the 4th to 6th ribs meet. “Very good, now I’m just going to put my hand over yours above your shirt and I just need you to breathe normally.”  
  
Loki did as he was told, almost feeling like a child with how careful Banner was with him, in a way, though it made him feel warm and protected. A feeling he hadn’t had in a long time. The was also the feel of the doctors hand, even through the thick cotton the weight and warmth of it over his. Loki never felt that way when Victor touched him, then again had Victor ever held his hand? Every spoke softly to him when it wasn’t in the context of sex or aggression ?    
  
“Loki, I need you keep calm for me ok?” Bruce interrupted, looking up as he heard the steady yet fast alternating tone of systolic and diastolic sound of Loki’s heart.  
  
“Sorry..” The ravenette amended taking a few breaths to clear his mind.  
  
After a moment or two Bruce took his hand away, 95 beats per minuet wasn’t bad. There didn’t appear to be any abnormal sounds that might indicate a murmur or ventricular defect.  “Ok now we’re going to be moving it around a bit so I can listen to your lungs ok?”  
  
This round went more smoothly, Loki took direction well and Bruce was able to take get a good idea of his breath sounds, as far as any damage was conserved Loki seemed fine. Bruce did note the slight sound of congestion, with the weather and pollen levels he wasn’t surprised. The binding obviously hadn’t helped.    
  
After blood pressure and a few more  less invasive questions, Bruce was pleased that all-in-all Loki was physically health. However, he was slightly underweight, and fatigued. These, while innocuous for now could lead to problems, and Banner surmised they were likely an effect of psychological issues. Loki needed help and he needed to be away from the people that hurt him.  
  
“Everything seems ok, would it be alright if I took a look at your injection sites?” He wasn’t sure if Loki would agree, it would depend on were they were he supposed.  
  
The raven flushed and stood from his chair, “very well.” Rucking up his shirt just over his right hip, Loki found his hand hesitating. It wasn’t that far down but… He pushed the side of his trousers down his hip a few inches to show the speckled pattern of needle marks on his fair skin.  
  
Bruce eyed them, most seemed fine a couple were a bit redder than he’d like but there didn’t appear to be any visible infection. “Ok that’s fine.  
  
Loki sat back down, taking a deep breath as he was glad that was finally over, “So will I live?” he asked with a soft chuckle.  
  
Returning the smiled Bruce began packing up his kit, “For now, so.. How do you feel about Ti-food?” 

* * *

  
The pair sat in Bruce’s living room chatting and laughing over boxes of takeaway. Loki had quite a few tales about his friends at Merc, and some of the pranks he executed at Von Doom Industries  Gala’s. As it turned out Loki had a rather precocious sense of humor, and always had.  
  
“To say the least the chef was not pleased to see I had rearrange the plate’s garnishments to look like male anatomy. Johnny, the younger brother of one of Victor’s associates found it humorous though.”  
  
Bruce laugh, “Yeah I’m sure,  remind me never to leave you and Clint alone. The two of you would be dangerous together.”  
  
The conversation began to lull as the food disappeared, Bruce cleared away the empty boxes. He had left this part until last because he knew Loki would object.  
  
“Loki, I’m… going to ask you something and you might not like it but just hear me out ok?”  
  
Green eyes narrowed in speculation, “I shall try my best not to respond to negatively.”  
  
“You need to stop taking your Testosterone.”  
  
“No. I can’t.” Loki flatly rebutted, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’ve already had to continue so secretive because of Victor… I thought you would be different. Do you not understand how far I’ve come I can’t just.. Stop!”  
  
“Loki,” Bruce held up his hands, “I’m not saying stop indefinitely. You have to know that not getting them from a reliable source is dangerous. You take your life into your hands every time you use them. Please Loki, I’m just trying to help you.”  
  
The musician deflated at the plea, “But,…it’s me Bruce…I finally.. I feel like me and if I let that go now..”  
  
“You’re still you Loki. You have always been you.” Bruce sat down taking the other mans long elegant hands into his own.  “ Medications, and surgery… they don’t ‘make’ you who you are. How you dress, whom you sleep with, how you act or your mannerisms. None of that matters,  you could be sitting here in a dress and curls with bright red lipstick and if you told me ‘I’m a man,’ I would still believe you. Only you know who you are, and that’s not something tangible or definable. You are a man Loki, and you will still be one even with out the hormones.”  
  
  
Loki’s eyes were filled with tears, how a man that he barely knew… how could could Bruce, undo him like this. How could he know? How could he be so kind and so real? Loki expected to wake up from this dream any moment. To be left alone in his cluttered apartment pinned under Victor’s familiar weight. To feel so much shame as he pealed himself out of soiled silk and lace.  
  
Worse, he expected to be alone. To wallow in his self-loathing while his brother’s ever persistent voice told him, ‘it’s not too late, we can’t fix this.’  
  
He didn’t want to…yet his lips formed the words. “Ok..” The soft and broken phrase,  he had cried far too much this day. Yet here he was again - crumbling in the arms of a man who had been …a friend?, a stranger?, a neighbor?    
  
Bruce Banner, was becoming so much more to him, and it was frightening.  
  
  



	14. Love’s a Rubik’s cube

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Steve’s song is, if I didn’t love you - by Barbra Streisand. The tune that Loki is playing is, Forsaken - by Adam Hurst

Over the next week, Bruce found himself pouring over medical journals and internet articles about Female to Male transition. Making himself aware of the latest advancing in not only medicine but in social acceptance. People said he needed new hobbies right?   
  
 He and Loki also spent more and more time together. Which was something Bruce was also enjoying, for reasons that did not include staring into a set of breathtakingly sea green eyes, nope not at all? It was Moral support; Bruce was a supportive kind of person. If that support included late nights watching old films and watching popcorn while sitting gloriously close... that was supportive. It wasn’t as if Bruce was pulling any middle school tricks like yawning and stretching his arm out behind Loki during said films.   
  
That would just be silly…yep.  
  
So maybe Bruce was taking his role with being Loki’s go-to, very seriously. After all, it’s not, as if Victor was supportive. As far as Bruce knew, Von Doom had not been back, though there was some rather tense phone calls that left the musician looking stressed. Something that the ravenette did not need, and while Bruce itched to tell him so, he felt it wasn’t his place. Bruce also didn’t want Loki to think he was trying to take Victors place…even if maybe, potentially, and most defiantly – he was.  
  
 Loki had been emotional about not continuing his hormone injections, but complied for safeties sake. Bruce had taken a sample of the medication into work and asked a favor for the lab to check it. Unfortunately, since it was an ‘under the table’ test it wasn’t top priority. He’d also spoken with the hospitals Endocrinologist Dr. McCoy, who agreed to see Loki as a favor to Bruce- out of office hours. Dr. McCoy also advised the Loki see a gynecologist as a matter of personal health if the patient was sexually active. McCoy recommended Dr. Wagner, Bruce knew the German doctor and felt he would be sensitive to Loki’s situation.   
  
 In the meantime, Bruce made it his mission to learn all he could to help Loki. There was something oddly therapeutic about their long conversations, and evenings spent on the complex roof drinking wine and looking at the stars. They passed time together just talking about their lives, sharing little stories both good and bad. Bruce had learned quiet a lot about the cryptic man upstairs, he was glad he didn’t pick up those earplugs after all.

* * *

  
  
While Bruce had not done anything to overtly show his attraction- sensing that it may not be welcome given Loki’s current situation, he did not hide his interest entirely.  There were times when they were chatting that the good doctor would catch himself staring at the musician’s lips, or admiring his clavicles. Yes…clavicles.    
  
Bruce Banner, you have it bad.   
  
It was because of this that Bruce jumped at the chance when Loki invited him to come and see him play.   
  
“So you don’t have to follow from the shadows this time,” Loki said with a little smile.   
  
Technically, it would be Loki’s first time taking the stage at Merc as more than just accompaniment or ambient sound. In a way, it was the ravenette ‘coming out’.  At Bruce’s urging, Loki had sent his older brother a text about the event, not that Loki believed he would come.  The fact was Bruce gave him the strength to want to believe that Thor might, and even if he didn’t - Loki was able to ask. The olive branch had been offered. 

* * *

  
The night of the performance Bruce put on his nice slacks and even wore a sport coat. Look at you banner dressing up for your date. He thought while standing in the mirror attempting to make his frizzy locks behave in a civilized manner.  
  
“It’s not a date…” hmmm keep telling yourself that.  
   
However, when he arrived at the club, he realized the error in telling his friends.   
  
God save them from such fierce support.   
  
Tony had a VIP booth and was dressed in Armani looking every bit the posh brat he actually was. To his left the Bucky was looking less than excited to be in a suit, tie long gone and grey shirt now unbuttoned. The Three chairs at Tony’s right where still vacant, Bruce assumed one was for Steve and the other two were for himself and Loki. To Barnes’ right sat Clint and his husband Phil. The later who was currently speaking with the club owner.   
  
One would have thought this was a performance at Carnegie hall.   
  
“Hey guys,” Bruce lifted a hand in greeting before shoving them both back in his pockets. “I see you all made it, I’m sure Loki will appreciate it.”  
  
Tony grinned holding up a glass of wine, “What? We can’t let Bambi have his big night without some class now can us?”  
  
“He hates when you call him that.” Bruce commented taking a seat across from his friend.  
  
Bucky chimed in after downing his own glass, “He knows, he’s fucking hopeless. Can’t take him anywhere.” He said eying the other brunette, “Such a brat.”  
  
Tony smirked and scooted closer, “You like that I’m a brat, and it makes me charming  ...Sexy even.”   
  
Barnes rolled his eyes and lifted his hand to flag down a waitress, “Brat. Like I said.”

* * *

  
  
They all sat and clap through other performances, there appeared to be a theme to the evening - all very dark and emotional with a dash of the almost burlesque in nature. Add another image of Steve, Bruce will never be able to unsee as the 6ft blond gave ‘if I didn’t love you’ his best wearing a sparkling black evening gown.  Clint would be making fun of Tony and Phil for tearing up, more so for Phil, mumbling along with the lyrics like a true Streisand fan.  
  
When Steve made it to the booth himself, Tony stood pulling out a chair, making a grand gesture of it, which earned the former playboy a light smack on the shoulder.   
  
“I saw Loki in the back, he was a little nervous, but Warren was giving him a little pep talk.” Steve said looking over at Bruce.  
  
“Warren?”   
  
Tony chimed in “He and Loki have a few things in common.” 

* * *

  
Loki had recently felt comfortable enough to be open around Bruce’s friends, since then his little social circle was growing almost every day. The introduction to another Trans man had been like finding a kindred spirit.   
  
Warren Worthington was newly post-op, he knew exactly how Loki felt having been raised be a strict father who did everything to suppress what he saw as ‘abnormal’ about his only child. For a long time Warren felt the same way, that he could be ‘fixed’. Eventually though, everyone grows out of the shadow of their upbringing and they figure out that the life they are given is only that only they have to live.   
  
Sometimes all it takes is the courage to spread your wings to learn to fly.  
  
“You’re going to be fine, just remember you don’t have to perform for everyone. Just one person in particular.” The blond said spinning in a wardrobe chair.  
  
“Loki ran a hand over his cello case before meeting the other man’s blue eyes in the mirror. “That is sound advice, but I think this performance is for someone who isn’t here...”   
  
Warren paused, “If it helps you let it go, then do it. This road is hard enough without the extra baggage. I know you don’t know me very well, but believe me when I say that anyone who makes you feel like there’s something wrong with you - they don’t need to be on your mind. Let their problems be theirs, you have people out there who care a lot. Good people.”  
  
“I do, I truly do.”

* * *

  
  
The lights dimmed in the club and the room fell silent, this was probably the classiest thing they ever did at Merc. Thank god for Peter’s ability to reign Wade in on things like this or that man would have had a chimichunga eating contest or some such nonsense.   
  
Bruce found himself transfixed on the unlit stage, almost holding his breath, it wasn’t like he’d never heard Loki playing before; he had countless times. The point was this felt different, there was just something in the air. An anomalous chill and the feeling of heaviness, like a miasma settling over the place.   
  
Footsteps pattered over the stage floor.  Ahead of the audience, the audible tap of a chair and rustle of fabric, then the spot light began to glow just as the first dark elegant note called from taut strings.   
  
He was dressed in black, a loss fitting satin shirt and leather trousers, his long raven hair half over his shoulder as Loki leaned into the cello. Long musicians’ hands holding the bow with precision as it moved over the strings, another hand delicately fingering the notes over the instruments neck.   
  
There was a deep sadness in the sound, it spoke of loss and wanting, a sorrow so profound that it surpassed traditional language and now could only be expressed through this wordless vibrations. Something that had to creep into the very heart of you and fill in a space long overlooked. The space where childhood dreams go to die, the place where your first love left you alone, were you first tasted the unforgiving reality of life. The notes rose and waned, caressing that shadowy forgotten agony with a mothers touch.   
  
It said, ‘I understand, a part of me has died as well.’ Yet, even in that melancholic melody there lay a whispered promise – ‘This is pain, pain I no longer need to carry.’   
  
Bruce could see it on Loki’s face, the way he seemed to float with the music. His eyes holding a distant glimmer of something, a memory he could finally forget. This was cathartic and stunning, it was in this moment that Loki was truly beautiful. That Bruce could see in the lights and shadow every angle of the young mans face, not harsh but not soft, not masculine or feminine. There was another worldliness to those pale green eyes. Like the concept of God or Death, it was something you couldn’t touch but you could believe in. In his mind Bruce conjured up images of Ann rice’s vampires. He suddenly wanted to see the ravenette stretched out with a glass of red wine, all that pale skin touched with nothing but candle light.   
  
When the performance was over and the applause died down, everything felt lighter. Loki smiled and took his bow over the footlights, joining the table afterward to drink and chat with all of his new friends. Bruce did however notice the way Loki had let his eyes drift over the other tables. Looking, searching. For someone that wasn’t there. 

The doctor said nothing, he just reached over and touched Loki’s arm gently. “You were wonderful.” He said, and he meant it.

* * *

  
  
Later that evening when the pair returned to the complex and stood in the lift, Bruce had a surge of boldness. Maybe it was the drinks or the cheer, maybe it was those glorious leather pants Loki was wearing. The good doctor leaned over just before exiting at his floor and placed a soft kiss on his neighbor lips.   
  
“I’m sorry if…” he started to say but was silenced with another kiss this time initiated by Loki.  
  
The ravenette smiled leaning back against the wall of the elevator, “Never be sorry Bruce, trust me… too much time is wasted that way.”

As the doors closed, Bruce knew... he wasn't going to waste anymore time.


	15. You won’t like me when I’m angry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Little PSA here, Abuse victims come in all races, genders, ages, and sexual orientations. Violence is not just violence against women and children, its violence against anyone. Its verbal abuse, its financial dependency, its alienation and controlling behavior. If you or someone you know is suffering in a relationship where they are being abused there is help out there, end the cycle and speak up.

It was a typical Monday night at WestGen, nothing too grizzly as yet – the more bloody things had a habit of happening after 9pm. Bruce hoped to be out of here by then, he’d intended on stopping by the new Mongolian stir-fry place and picking up a few things. He had a couple of seasons of Dexter on the DVR, Loki had never seen it so he figured they could make a night of it. Nothing says romance like serial murder and stir-fry right?   
  
Bruce was just taking a moment between cases to get a drink and gather himself. Sipping on a too sweet soda, his phone vibrated in the pocket of his lab coat. The doctor smiled at the name and familiar face that lit up the screen, Loki had begun the routine of calling him at work or texting at random intervals. Just to say hello or send the odd photo from time to time. It was nice to know someone was thinking about him.   
  
  
“Loki, its….Loki?” All he could here was yelling and the scuttling of plastic across the floor, as if the phone dropped or was throne.   
  
“Loki?” He tried again, the doctor suddenly feeling his own heart pounding with the reverberation of footsteps and tumbling furniture. This wasn’t right, this had to be a mistake. Maybe Loki was watching a movie or playing a game on his laptop and accidentally dialed him. There had to be some innocuous reason for what he was hearing.  
  
Then he could make out the angry voice.  
  
 _“I OWN YOU! YOU WHERE NOTHING WHEN I FOUND YOU, NOTHING BUT A FILTHY LITTLE COKE WHORE. WHO CLEANED YOU UP AND PUT A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD. ME!_ ”  
  
“Loki!” He nearly shouted drawing the attention of some nurses walking by. Bruce could hear the bang of something heavy hitting the floor and glass breaking.   
  
“Victor…you son of a bitch.” Bruce was running through the trauma bay doors before he could even think, he needed to call some just in case he couldn’t get there fast enough, but he didn’t want to hang up or hold the call in fear that he might miss something…that if something happened…  
  
“Hey Bruce where’s the fire?”    
  
Clint was standing in the ambulance bay packing and getting ready in case of another call.   
  
Bruce just stared at him and back down at the phone, “Clint I need you to call Phil, Victors over at Loki’s apartment  ...I...he’s hurting him, and I need to hurry.”  
  
The other man’s eyes widen and he drew his radio from his belt, “Just go, I’ll call it in” 

* * *

  
  
Who knew a Prius could go so fast or take turns like that, Bruce sure didn’t but he was glad for the quality suspension. He made it home in record time and could already hear sirens in the distance.   
  
It comes in handy to have a friend who’s married to the chief of police. God Bruce would love to see Victor try and weasel his way out of this one. Tony already said he’d be more than happy to lend Loki his legal team if Von Doom wanted to play.  However, Bruce was worried that this time it would be far worse than a black eye.   
  
The images flashing in the doctor’s mind had him hunched over the steering wheel in his parking space. Hands shaking as he tore the keys from the ignition.  
  
 _“God Damn it Rachel”_  
  
No...It wasn’t going to be like that.  
  
 _“Please Brian  ...please stop! I’m sorry I’m sorry!”_   
  
Not like that.  
  
 _“NO! PLEASE NO STOP! PLEASE!”_  
  
Bruce cursed as he pounded on the lift doors, the emergency stop was engaged. Victor did it on purpose he wasn’t stupid; he was going to stop anyone from coming up. There was still emergency stairwell.   
  
Running up three flights of stairs had the good doctor struggling to catch his breath, it didn’t matter... all he could see was red.  The back of his mind echoed images of his child-self standing in the bedroom door of his parent’s bedroom. His father’s hands dripping with blood.   
  
His mother…dead.  
  
Bruce pounded on Loki’s door shouting, he could hear the escalation inside, and the screaming.   
  
Doctor Banner was not a large man, by all rights he wouldn’t have been able to bust through that door the way he did. Then again, one can read of instances where mothers lift cars off their children and people surviving terrible accidents in the wilderness. All from sheer force of will. In moments where all is lost, the human condition has a unique way of saying ‘not yet’, ‘not this time’. Bruce simply refused physics and barreled his right shoulder into the door, once, twice, three times before the hinges splintered away from the wood.  
  
He stumbled at first when the door collapsed inward, barely sparing a glace to the shattered coffee table and over turned furniture. Bruce could only see one thing.  
  
Victor.  
  
The man was sporting a busted nose and lip of his own as he stood over Loki, rage filling his eyes. “You are worthless, little pathetic freak, no one wants you do you hear me? No one, I pity you and fuck you because it amuses me. You are nothing more that toy, so how dare you think you have the right to leave me. No one LEAVES VICTOR VON DOOM!”   
  
Bruce picked up a guitar; Loki would have to forgive him for this later.  
  
When Victor rose his fist it never connected, not like that fender Stratocaster connected with the back of the CEO’s head.   
  
Victor dropped to the side in a heap, for one frightening second Bruce thought, maybe he had killed the man, not that the guy didn’t deserve it but Bruce didn’t want to go to prison. Thankfully, it looked like Victor was still breathing, and while bleeding he’d live. Less could be said for Loki’s guitar - as the body currently dangled by a few surviving strings from the instruments neck.   
  
Bruce dropped his impromptu weapon and hovered over Loki who was still curled on his side in a mess of broken records and sheet music.   
  
“Loki, Loki say something.” Bruce knelt down and brushed the mass of dark hair away from the musician’s shrouded face. He felt his heartbreak at the blood spattered and smeared over taut swollen skin. The entire left side of Loki’s face was a mess, his lip was split and he was sporting a large cut on his cheekbone and the bridge of his nose. His left eye was swollen shut, Bruce wanted to walk over and kick Victor, but he knew that wouldn’t have done any good. “Loki can you hear me?”   
  
The doctor gently moved the collar of Loki’s shirt; there he was greeted with darkening hand shaped bruises. “Oh Loki…” he was careful as he counted Loki’s pulse, it was strong but it was clear he was in shock.  “Everything’s going to be ok, I’m right here.” He said taking Loki’s hand in his.   
  
It wasn’t long when the thundering of feet through the stair well signaled the arrival of the police; Phil was the first through the door.   
  
“Radio in for a bus, when have two victims and I use that term loosely on the second.” He said making his way to Bruce. “How is he?”   
  
Bruce shook his head and stroked Loki’s hair, “He’s in shock, we need to get him in to trauma make sure there isn’t any internal damage or severe head trauma.” As Bruce spoke his fingers gently felt around Loki’s scalp looking for any contusions. So far, it seemed like there wasn’t any but with Loki not talking and signs of strangulation - Bruce was worried.   
  
Phil nodded and looked over to where a groaning Victor was being sat up in the kitchen and a pair of his officers were reading him his rights.  “We won’t let him get away with this; I will do everything I can to see that this doesn’t get swept under the rug.”  
  


* * *

  
  
  
Eight pages, that’s the sum of Loki’s ordeal. An eight page medical report sanctioned by the state to report domestic violence. The first page is the state seal - the mark of an official looking document. The title stating the type of report and the contact information for additional form copies. Bruce flipped through the pages as he sat by Loki’s bed.  Phil was kind enough to see that Bruce had a copy that would go into Loki’s medical records.   
  
**Patient Identification** : Loki Laufeyson **Age:** 21 **Sex:** Female **DOB:** 2/9/1993  
 **Patient Arrival:** West General Hospital, Emergency Room, 7:43pm   
**MEDICAL REPORT:** DOMESTIC VIOLENCE EXAMINATION  
 **Ethnicity:** Caucasian   
**Exam Started:** Following medical treatment at 8:25 pm   
**Exam Completed** 9:12 pm  
 **Patient Discharge:** To be determined   
  
**MANDATORY SUSPICIOUS INJURY REPORT (Pursuant to Pen. Code -11160)**  
 **1\. Name of Person Making Mandated Report to Law Enforcement Agency:** Doctor Stephen Strange   
**2\. Family, Friend, Other witness, specify:** Bruce Banner (Friend)  
 **3\. Interpreter Used:** No  
 **4\. Written Report Submitted Time:** 9:12 pm       **Date:** 4/14/2014  
  
 **Name of Law Enforcement Agency** : NYPD  
 **AUTHORIZATION FOR MEDICAL EVIDENTIARY EXAMINATION:** Follow Local Policy  
  
 **PATIENT CONSENT**  
  
Bruce thumbed past the legality section, Loki had not been concise enough to sign anything and they had to call his brother.  Thor was currently out getting a cup of coffee. The blonde was absolutely heartbroken when he saw his younger sibling.  Thankfully, he was willing to allow Bruce to stay with Loki through the examination. The sibling’s mother was on her way but the police needed the exam done as soon as possible. Bruce assured that Loki trusted him and that he wouldn’t allow anyone to harm him further.    
  
Thor just nodded tearfully and excused himself.  
  
A pair of kind nurses and one of the ER doctors conducted the exam.  They had to take photos of injuries and document each one. Loki sat numbly as one of the kindly older women opened the paper gown, “its ok sweetheart.” She had said.   
  
Bruce echoed the words, in his head “It won’t be long ok?” He whispered, never looking below Loki’s eyes. There were too many people having to look at the ravenette. Too many judging faces and cameras flashing at his chest and genitals. Victor had seen fit to kick Loki in the groin repeatedly, leaving the area a mottle of bruises. Thankfully, they didn’t believe there had been pelvic fractures or urinary tract damage.   
  
After all the legal jargon was the physical surroundings of the assault; the patients description of the assault; and the assailant information. Loki was fuzzy on weapons used other than Victors fists and anything the psycho could get his hands on in the apartment.    
  
There was a description of Loki’s injuries complete with photographs that made Bruce’s stomach turn.  Followed by a brief Patient history and information of any physical evidence collected during the examination.   
  
Eight pages.   
  
“Bruce…”   
  
The doctor looked over at the croaked words, the first Loki had said in almost 6 hours. “Hey, you’re ok…your brother’s outside and your moms on her way if you want me to get him I can.”   
  
Loki shook his head, “Stay…”   
  
“You know I will,” Bruce choked on the words and kissed the back of Loki’s hand, “get some rest ok? If you’re feeling better tomorrow, they might let me take you home. And don’t worry; you can stay at my place if you want to.”   
  
The ravenette nodded drifting with the lovely pain medication they had given him.  He knew what Bruce had said about his family but honestly, he didn’t care. He wasn’t going to let them use this as some excuse or reason to make him come home or prove some kind of point. He didn’t know what happened other than everything hurt right now and he was tired. He could deal with it tomorrow.   
  
  



	16. One Loki, Free to a good home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An: Sorry if this feels filler-ish, I felt the need to bring things to a soft place as we head to the finish.

It had been several weeks since the assault; Loki had stayed with Bruce in that time - declining his families offers to come with them. He did have a quiet and tearful conversation with his mother however the day he left the hospital. Bruce had seen the exchange from afar; Loki’s mother kissed his forehead and told him how much she loved him. Bruce suspected there had been more to it but he didn’t ask, whatever she said Loki’s spirits seemed to lift even if only by a fraction. Since then Loki’s mother had sent a parcel to the apartment, a tin of cookie and a letter. Bruce didn’t ask what it said; whatever it had been, he spotted Loki smiling with tears on his face out on the balcony.  When he came inside they just quietly sat together for a long time, Loki’s head on his shoulder as they listened to the radio.   
  


* * *

  
  
Right now though, Loki did not look happy, and that was understandable. “I’m being evicted…”   
  
Bruce looked up from his morning tea, “You can stay here if you like.”   
  
“Bruce I have stayed here weeks, surely I can’t continue to do so. I’m sure even your kindness has its limits…god what am I suppose to do. You know Thor is going to love this don’t you? He’s going to come swooping in like some bloody hero and tell me to come and live with him. I’d give him a week before I find - dresses or some god-awful thing in my wardrobe. Worse is if he wanted the opposite…oh god brotherly bonding No… no Bruce, I will die… I will shrivel up and die.”   
  
The doctor laughed, he couldn’t help it. The serious look of distress on Loki’s face at the thought of ‘bonding time’ with his brother was just too much.  “I’m sure it wouldn’t be that bad.”  
  
Loki leveled him with a glare that said other wise.   
  
“I’m serious, stay. I… I really like having you here and we can figure out the logistics of it later. I’m sure the guys would help move what ever we can from your place down here.”   
  
The musician paced for a while before stopping at the balcony doors. His long fingers tapping a staccato rhythm on the glass, “I just… I don’t want to….to have to rely on anyone else the way I…”  
  
Bruce gently stepped behind the taller man, they had been tentatively tending this thing between them and now he felt more comfortable wrapping an arm around Loki’s waist. Placing a gentle kiss on the back of his shoulder. “You’re not relying on me; this isn’t me doing and you following. This is a partnership; you will work at the club and go back to giving music lessons when you feel up to it. You already do a great job watering the plants.”   
  
“Watering the plants… really Bruce?” Loki chuckled and turned, with a smile.   
  
The ravenette left eye still had a bit of blood in the sclera, and the bruising was nearly invisible now with only a slight discoloration. Still, every time Bruce looked into those green eyes- one now tainted by red, he was so thankful this wonderful wan was alive. That this could have taken such a horrible turn. He couldn’t imagine being here with anyone else.   
  
“What can I say, I’m a true romantic.”   
  


* * *

  
  
The next few days Bruce’s once spacious apart became… well less so. It some how worked though, with the help of their friends they moved a good portion of Loki’s things into Bruce’s apartment. Most of it the musician did not keep; the furniture was mostly purchased by Victors assistant and now left to be donated to a worthy cause.   
  
Sheet music and books were organized on the new shelves. Bucky as it turned out was good with light carpentry - Bruce’s property owner agreed to the instillation of shelves. The once bare walls now held framed albums and various art photos; instruments leaned against the walls in nearly every room. Yet Bruce did not feel the same urgent clutter here as he had in Loki’s old apartment. This just felt like home.   
  
The sleeping arrangements remained the same; Loki was on the fold out in the main room. Tony had rolled his eyes and called them Quakers. It was less about propriety however, and more about Loki’s comfort. Bruce had been clear that he wanted them Loki to feel comfortable and ready before their relationship had any physical elements. The look of open happiness on Loki’s face was enough to let Bruce know he had made the right choice.  They were still affectionate but in a coy kind way, that was fine with him. Bruce wanted Loki to know he was serious; this wasn’t a kink to him. He valued this relationship and wanted it to be lasting.    
  
Maybe they had skipped some of the traditional steps between dating and cohabitating, but it worked. 

* * *

**Frigga's letter ( did this as a bonus for you readers.)**

 

  
  



	17. Someone waiting for me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An: there is an Easter egg here for one of my readers and a filled request for another.

Bruce wakes up before Loki on most days, depending on what shift he had at the hospital the night before. However, on the days when he does wake first usual he just takes a moment to watch Loki. The way he looks curled up on his side wearing one of Bruce’s shirts, how impossible it should be for the six-foot beauty to look so small in those moments. Bruce quietly leans over and kisses whatever patch of skin is closest, a cheek, shoulder, on his more daring mornings a chaste peck on Loki’s sleeping lips.   
  
The doctor then slips off to get breakfast going before he has to leave, start a chore or errand. The smell of bacon is usually enough to bring Loki down searching for him, or for the bacon. Bruce likes to think it is him, that is until Loki leans over his shoulder with those ‘feed the puppy’ eyes. This earns him the first ready slice of the crisped pork.   
  
Chores in the apartment are split …well not evenly but Bruce doesn’t mind. Loki tends to the plants and enjoys going to the market, cleaning really isn’t his forte, unless one counts switching on the Roomba while he reads. Loki counts it.  Bruce is more the neat freak, and they do the laundry together when schedules allow.   
  
That’s not to say that living together didn’t come with some changes Bruce wasn’t 100% happy with. On the days Bruce didn’t wake up first - he was in for a wait to use the bathroom.  Speaking of the bathroom, counter space was some sort of mythical place beyond the horizon now. He had no idea there were so many hair products and everyone did something different - apparently.  He was also surprised to find make up, Loki professed that it was for performances only and he would not be going out in public looking like a Gothic rock groupie.    
  
On one such night when Loki came in with the coal liner smeared around his bright eyes, Bruce admitted it was rather sexy.  This led to a sensuous make out session on the sofa that stopped shy of removing undergarments. Bruce as always, paused and asks if it were ok, he would give Loki a moment to breathe and always say, “I won’t be upset, I just want you to be ready.”   
  
 The musician would blush and lay back in the cushions hand on his stomach where his binder vest rode up.  Loki would smile and say, “You’re to kind to be human Bruce Banner. Do you know that? ”   
  
Bruce would look away with a small smile, “maybe I’m not, maybe!” He said jumping on the sofa caging the body of the giggling younger man. “Maybe, I’m from a day when spirits were brave and stakes were high. Maybe. Just maybe.” He pauses pushing his face to Loki’s bare stomach and shaking his curls as he put on a horrible fake falsetto voice “I am a small furry creature from alpha Centauri!”  
  
Loki laughed wriggling to escape as he was tickled mercilessly. When they where both breathless from laughing Loki cupped Bruce’s face in his hands, “and I would far rather be happy than right any day.”  

* * *

  
  
In addition to a new apartment, roommate /boyfriend and lease on life. Loki now had more friends than he ever had in his life, and he liked to show his appreciation for them in little ways. One such way that was always welcomed was the ravenette impromptu coffee rescue. Hospital canteen coffee was…well…  Steve would drink it.  Then again, Steve would eat or drink just about anything you put in front of him.   
  
Tony on the other hand was one to turn up his own and retreat to his office and personal coffeemaker. Usually calling them ‘heathens’.   
  
It was fortunate Loki had a more refined palette than most and had a sense for what people liked. So when he’d show up every now and then with a box of pastries and a tray of warm blessed by the Gods grade Java, he was officially the new ‘favorite’.   
  
One such day as Loki came in through the main entrance, stopping by the nurses’ station with a gift of cream puffs and tarts - Loki showed another side of his mischievous personality.   
  
The jealous side.  
  
Bruce was just heading back from a consult with neurology department, currently sharing the lift with one of the interns from that department. The doors opened and Bruce stepped out with the animated talking young woman.   
  
“The human brain, I mean it’s really like a whole other world. If you think of the neurons firing and impulses shooting across the cerebral cortex like a galaxy full of stars and plants. We only understand a fraction of the diseases that affect the neural pathways and don’t even get me started about psychological abnormalities. Have you read Dr. Selvig’s journal on the subject, it’s fascinating. I’ll be heading to New Mexico this summer to work with him.”   
  
“I can tell you’re excited Jane.”  Bruce shook his head smiling.   
  
Jane blushed and hugged her clipboard to her chest, “Yeah, so um… will you be attending any of the medical conferences this year? I um… I was going to go to the one down town next month and, well- I thought perhaps …”  
  
“Bruce..” Loki’s voice interrupted. He had quietly rounded the nurses station listening the entire time, the woman’s flirting was …obvious. Of course not obvious to Bruce, because…he is Bruce.   
  
“Oh hello Loki, I see you brought coffee. Oh, how rude of me… Loki this is Jane Foster, Jane this is …”  
Before Bruce could finish though Loki had walked up to him and locked on to his lips. One hand still poised with the cardboard coffee carrier and the other at the doctors hip. He pulled ways smoothly with a self-satisfied smile. “Hello Darling, and of course. I know how tirelessly you work.”  Loki tilted his head to the now beat red young woman, “The pleasure is all mine Dr. Foster.”   
  
  
Later when Bruce re-told the story Bucky would laugh so hard he cried and Tony was left shaking Loki’s hand. 

* * *

  
  
Unfortunately, this new life wasn’t with out its dark times.   
  
As much as Bruce had become that pillar of strength for Loki, there were times their roles were reversed. Times when Bruce became weak under things, he had no control over.   
  
  
It was a Friday night with a full moon, all hands on deck for a nine-car pile up involving a tractor-trailer. Traffic had been slow when the 18-wheeler failed to break in time and slammed into the back of a mini van.    
  
There were at least 11 injuries and so far 1 dead at the scene, the driver of the minivan, a 32-year-old woman. Airlift was bringing in a critical care patient and Bruce was tagged for the team to meet them on the roof. It was the vans passenger. A 9-year-old girl.   
  
Bruce had always tried to not take the job home with him. He always told him self that he would do his very best and at the end of the day, he would know that he gave it all he had. There was just something about this one.   
  
She was talking one moment, crying for her mother…and then. She was gone.  
  
They had tried everything, gone about and beyond for that child. Bruce held her hand and said he would take care of her. Tried to keep her calm as the girls small body failed. The worst part came when the father arrived.   
  
Bruce had delivered this kind of news before but when you tell a man, he has lost everything in a matter of half an hour. His wife, his child - when you have to say that to a person … it changes you.  When you have to change into clean scrubs before you do it because that child’s blood is all over you… there are things you can’t just leave behind at the end of the shift.   
  
When Bruce came home, he didn’t have to say anything. The accident was on the news and Loki took one glance at him standing there so broken and knew.   
  
Loki shut of the television and walked to where Bruce stood and wrapped his arms around the slighter man. “It’s ok… I’m here Bruce, Shhh. It’s ok.”   
  
He hadn’t even realized he was crying. He didn’t say anything as Loki led him upstairs and helped him undress; he sat on the closed toilet while Loki ran the bath. “She was just a kid… she was so scared and I…”   
  
“You did your best, I know you, and you did your best.” Loki spoke softly as the steam filled the bathroom.   
  
Bruce sat there in the warm water while Loki kneeled on the mat and washed his hair, all the while speaking softly about anything and everything.    
  
His trip to the market, - _“They had some international fruits in special I picked up a star fruit, it looked interesting.”_  
The piano lessons he was giving. - _“I knew he was a lawyer but I had no idea he was blind until I arrived. Mr. Murdock is interesting , you would like him.”_  
  
Loki just kept talking; the melodic tone of his voice was comfort enough that the words themselves didn’t matter.   
  
That night they would sleep in each other’s arms, long after the words had stopped and the only sound Bruce could hear was the rhythmic thump of Loki’s heart.  Perhaps this didn’t make it better, but it made it bearable.    
  
Having someone to come home to on nights like this made things easier to stomach. In the morning when he woke Loki would be there, curled on his side, sleeping in one of Bruce’s shirts.  
  
  



	18. Doing it the right way

Doctor McCoy seemed like a nice man, a bit rough around the edges but kind. He did give Loki a stern talking to about purchasing a black market drug even though the lab found that the THRT he had been using was legitimate.    
  
“You got lucky; Testosterone is a class three controlled substance. Using too much of even a contaminant free vial could result in anything from infection, stroke, even Polycythemia - which untreated can become Leukemia. I hope you understand how serious that is.” The doctor had said.  
  
It had truly frightened Loki to know that all this effort to be who he knew he was could have very well spelled his death because of how he went about it.   
  
McCoy jotted a few more things on his clipboard before looking at the ravenette over his glasses, “You’re underweight, I’d like for you to be in general health before putting you back on Testosterone. I would also like you to see a therapist, I realize how important this is to you but I think you should understand why you need this. Transitioning is not only a physical but emotional journey.”  
  
“But…” Loki couldn’t even finish before the older man lifted a hand to silence him.   
  
“No, I’m sorry Mr. Laufeyson but I took an oath to do no harm. You’re my patient now and I intend to do my level best at securing for you a happy and healthy future. Now, I see here you have an appointment with Dr. Wagner to talk about your current reproductive health and other options moving forward. I’m going to write you a referral to see Doctor Xavier; he’s a Psychotherapist and an old friend of mine.”  The doctor handed over the little slip of paper with a thoughtful smile on his face.   
  
Loki took it and looked skeptical about this whole ‘getting in touch with one’s feelings’ thing. He wanted to move forward though and this was bound to be uncomfortable. It would be worth it however.

* * *

  
  
That’s what Loki kept telling himself as he left the endocrinologist’s office and headed to his next appointment. Bruce had asked to come along but Loki said no, he understood that his partner was trying to be supportive but he didn’t want Bruce to see him like that. Knees bent…feet up in stirrups…it felt like a horror. No, he would rather that not be one for the memory books.   
  
Sitting in the office surrounded by women seemed odd, stifling, terrifying - Loki felt like they were all staring at him. Trying to figure him out, as if they could tell that he wasn’t what he was trying to be. He almost passed on wearing his packer this morning, thinking it might be an odd thing to set aside before a physical. _‘ oh yes I’ll just pop off my trousers, pants and oh yes ..my penis. I’ll just set it right over here with my cell phone and shoes.’_   He hadn’t though, he’d made it down the first before going back because really he just felt odd with out something there. Also, Loki truly did loath sitting down to urinate. It was an expectable excuse as any.   
  
So if he was getting any strange looks he hoped it was because they couldn’t understand what a man was doing in the office.   
  
The musician sunk down into the rough tapestry print sofa and held up a copy of Home and garden to shield his face. There was an article about how to hang fairy lights for romantic evening such as anniversary dinners and small wedding receptions. Loki wondered how the tiny twinkling lights would look in their bedroom.  Bruce did like the new sheets he picked out, they were dark green and soft with gold threading. Much nicer than striped polyester things Bruce had.   
  
“Loki, the doctor will see you now.”   
  
The nurse’s voice made him jump a bit. Quickly recovering to put the magazine away, apparently in his deep thought about décor he hadn’t noticed how much time had passed.   
  
“Thank you…” He muttered following the nurse in her far too bright pink scrubs down the hall to an exam room.   
  
The walls were adorned with pictured of babies and pregnant women. Little pamphlets on birth control and the like sat in clear plastic bins mounted on the pale yellow walls. Loki wondered what about all of this was suppose to make him feel at ease, he supposed if he had been comfortable with his assigned sex then perhaps he would have found these things ‘cute’ or  ‘interesting’.  
  
Doubtful.  
  
This was a matter of taste, and these horrid frozen butter walls were going to make him vomit.   
  
“Hallo, Mr. Laufeyson.”  The door opened to revel a small man with sharp features that remind Loki vaguely of his own.  The German accent was different but he liked it.   
  
As it turned out Doctor Wagner was probably the kindest man in all existence. Not only was he a physician but he volunteered on the weekends with the neighborhood youth center teaching children gymnastics.  Loki instantly like him, which made this entire ordeal so much easier, pamphlets and pictures forgotten.   
  
Slipping on the tin paper gown was less than comforting but the doctor smiled kindly and assure Loki  was not his first transitioning patient.  Wagner spoke about different things as he conducted a routine breast exam, he was quick and efficient.   
  
“Every thing seems fine, you have lost some volume but that is to be expected. Will you be interested in chest reconstruction?”   
  
When Loki admitted that yes the surgery was defiantly something he wanted. The Doctor nodded and made a notation on his clipboard, “I’ll be sure the nurse gets you some literature about the procedure. Now, I know this may be uncomfortable for you but I will need to perform a pelvic exam. According to your charts, you have never had one and have been sexual active so it is important that we check for any infection and do a smear. Is that alright?”   
  
Loki thought he’d be able to just deal with this, ‘close your eyes and think of England’ that sort of thing. For some reason, he wanted to bolt out of the door. “I…”  
  
“Why don’t a give you a moment ok? I’ll be back in about 10 minuets and if you don’t think you’re ready today we can reschedule ok?”  Bless this man.  
  
The ravenette nodded and looked down at his hands; he heard the door click signaling the doctor’s exit. Suddenly…he truly wished Bruce were there. It was strange to feel so connected for the first time, all those pretenses of embarrassment flying out of the window and just wanting to hold someone’s hand. Just wanting that anchor by his side. Loki hoped off the tabled and fished his mobile from his discarded jeans.  
  


  * **Loki > At appointment, are you busy?**
  * **Bruce > just on rounds, I think its *stick things in weird places Wednesday* lol**



Loki chuckled, running his fingers over the screen. Bruce had people to take care of; he shouldn’t have to deal with him as well. It would be selfish and rude. He couldn’t ask.

  * **Bruce > you ok?**
  * **Loki > Yes, fine just waiting for the doctor. I should be done soon.**
  * **Bruce > Great! Want to get lunch in say…an hour?**
  * **Loki > sure, see you <3 **
  * **Bruce > bye <3**



  
Putting the phone aside Loki steeled his nerves, it was just an exam. He didn’t know why this felt as upsetting as it did. He was an adult and he shouldn’t be crying or becoming irrational of something like this. Then again, he wasn’t normal so maybe that was the problem, he’d always been too nervous and too sensitive. So said the voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like his father.   
  
He was a good liar, so that’s all he had to do. He just had to lie.  
  
“Mr. Laufeyson are you ready?”  
  
“Yes.”

* * *

  
It started out fine; the doctor pressed down on his lower belly and chatted as he felt around. Then asked him to slide down the table, bend his knees and place his feet in the stirrups.  The doctor explained that he was about to do a speculum exam, showing Loki all the tools on the tray in advance, explaining what a pap smear was and how that would be done.   
  
Loki felt his heart jump but he smiled and laid back staring at the ceiling, thanking the doctor for his patience as he did his best to relax.. He thought of anything else in the world, trying to ignore the sensations carrying on below. Counting the ceiling tiles, counting the bulbs in the florescent lights.  “Alright, I’m fine now.”   
  
He wasn’t fine.   
  
“Are you alright?” The doctor asked. “You’re trembling.”  
  
“Fine… just cold, always cold in hospitals isn’t it?”  
  
Last was the manual portion of the exam, again Doctor Wagner gave him a moment and explained everything before hand. They do this to note if the organs have changed in size or shape. Loki nodded and said nothing, wanting this to end.  
  
Clinical and cold, even if the doctor was kind Loki’s mind jumped to the last time he’d been touched so.   
  
_Victor breathing against his neck and roughly pushing his fingers inside. Saying those things…asking him to beg, how the executive never took off his MIT ring and it made everything hurt. How Loki let him do it because…well Victor took care of him. He owed him subjugation because with out Doom Loki would have been out on the streets_.   
  
“Well everything looks…oh Loki …” The doctor cursed under his breath in his native tongue as he looked up seeing how pale his patient looked and the silent tears streaking from the ravenette eyes.  The doctor removed his gloves and tossed them in the bin, quickly poking his head out of the exam room and asking a nurse to bring some water.   
  
“Loki, can you sit up for me?” Wagner asked moving to wash his hands before gently easing the young mans feet down. “Loki?”   
  
“Fine…I’m fine.” he choked on the words sitting up, perhaps to fast as the world spun. “Sorry… I. please forgives me. Are we finished? I’d like to get dressed, I have to go you see…. I have to go.”  
  
The doctor gently kept Loki from trying to stand just yet, “Easy, now I need the truth ja? Are you all right, I need to know if you are in any pain. Even if it’s a different kind of pain.”   
  
“it is…but I will feel much better once I am dressed I assure you.”   
  
The nurse returned and offered Loki a small paper cup of water. He drank slowly trying to combat the nausea he was feeling. The doctor thankfully agreed to leave and let him dress; looking still skeptical when Loki reiterated that he was fine. 

* * *

  
Loki> cannot make it for lunch, sorry. Headed home.  
  
He didn’t wait for Bruce to text back, didn’t even check to see if he had. Loki returned to the apartment and felt an uncontrollable urge to scrub himself raw in the shower, taking the lufa to every inch until his pale skin was a bright aching red.   
  
_Freak, deviant, whore…. “you like it don’t you? Tell me you like it…tell me what this is? Where are my fingers right now?” “Where is my cock?” “you might be a boy out there but you’re my bitch in here, do you understand me?”_  
  
He didn’t look at himself getting dressed, didn’t look at anything he just pulled on a hooded sweatshirt of Bruce’s and a pair of boxers before burrowing into the bed.  Loki needed it all to stop, needed the memories to go away. Getting up only one, the ravenette turned on the stereo and docked his iPod. Turning the volume all the way up to drown out the hate running around in his head. 

* * *

  
Bruce was worried, he was even more so when Loki wouldn’t answer the phone. When his shift was over he rushed back to the apartment and was greeted with blaring music and no Loki in sight. Never a good sign.   
  
Finally finding a musician shaped lump on the bed, Bruce tugged back the blankets slowly. “hey you…” smiling hopeful if he lighten the mood enough it would help Loki. Bruce had seen these black moods before; they could be brought on by little things…things that most people would not notice. Their friends noticed though.  Steve had once commented that it reminded him of Bucky when the man came home from his last deployment…the one when he lost his arm.  That quiet stare and evasive attitude. The way a person can seem to just shut down for a while.   
  
Loki didn’t talk much when he was like this, so Bruce just changed out of his work clothes and climbed on top of the duvet, behind the curled up Loki burrito. He wrapped his arm around his blanket-covered lover and just held him.   
  
After a few more songs, Loki wriggled out of his cocoon and turned to face him.  “why…why do you put up with all of this? With me?”   
  
Bruce just smiled and kissed the bridge of Loki’s nose, “Because…you water my plants.”  
  
Loki snorted and rolled his eyes.   
  
“Have you eaten today?” Bruce asked, sitting up and ruffling his own bed mussed hair.   
  
“no…haven’t been hungry. There’s some papers from the doctor on the bar down stairs by the way.”  
  
“I saw them, which is why you need to eat.” Bruce replied reaching back to pat Loki’s rear, “come on.. I’ll order pizza with bacon and we can watch a movie.”   
  
Loki stretched out and smiled, how did he get this lucky what in this grand scheme saw fit to give him this man. He held out his hand and allowed Bruce to pull him up, pausing to place a kiss on the doctors forehead. A soft word of thanks falling from his lips.   
  
  
  
  



	19. I need your love so bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN - the title of this chapter is inspired by the Fleetwood Mac song of the same title, which is the record Bruce puts on here. Please do check it out. I felt like it was perfect for this and this pairing, it’s a very sensual song. With that said, there is an explicit scene in this chapter.

When you live with someone one you see him or her at their best and at their worst. You see all the little quirks they have, how they eat, how they sleep. You share everything and more than likely you have seen them naked.   
  
Bruce wasn’t super shy after nearly seven months of cohabitation. He changed out in the open; he had no problem showering while Loki was fixing his hair. He was sure Loki knew what he did in the shower to when he did lock the door. A man has needs, even if your name is Bruce Banner.   
  
Still it wasn’t like Bruce was going to pressure Loki into anything. He had hoped by his own openness would create comfort by osmosis. In some respects it had, Loki felt comfortable enough to be seen in little more than a pair of briefs and his binding vest or a baggy shirt. Bruce could still remember the first time Loki stepped out of his jeans in the laundry room. Those calves…Bruce didn’t know he was a calf man until just then. Or that there was such a thing as a ’calf man’, but he was one.    
  
The doctor attributed Loki’s recent ’pseudo streaking’ behavior to his return to testosterone.  It also seemed to make the ravenette a lot more affectionate, so no Bruce was not complaining when Loki press against his back while he cooked an evening meal. Admittedly, the bulge up against his lower back was odd; he still didn’t quite know much about the magic of Loki’s dresser drawers. Bruce didn’t ask because he realized how personal that part of Loki’s wardrobe was. After all, it’s not as if he would volunteer anyone to inspect his business end.  Still Bruce got used to it; he was used to the feel of Loki’s clothed body against his own in every state of form. The Loki that was all dips and curves when they snuggled in bed, the Loki that was hard lines and angles when they went out. He found beauty in every facet.  
  
A new factor of the increasingly amorous Loki was that their heavy petting sessions were growing in intensity.  Still Bruce and his ever-levelheaded nature would stop things before they became too heated, on a rare occasion when they had gone a bit farther Loki had panicked. It wasn’t a fun evening with a sulky self-loathing musician who was blaming himself for the poor reaction.  Therefore, Bruce reminded himself to remain vigilant. He wanted what they had to be right when it was right, not something Loki felt he had to ‘get over with’.    
  
“This isn’t a hurdle it’s a milestone.” Bruce would say.  “When you get there it will feel right ok?” 

* * *

  
Loki’s therapy with Dr. Xavier had been going well, he was becoming more confident in his transition and expressing the things he needed and wanted. He started at home with Bruce, they sat down one evening and talked about what they both wanted out of their relationship, and what Loki’s transition meant to each of them. It was one of those ‘good cry nights’ as Phil would say.   
  
The Doctor also addressed Loki’s feelings about his family, and offered to mediate a conversation with them if Loki ever wanted to reach out to them again. Although Loki doubted his father would have attended such a thing. He said he would think about it.   
  
As time went on the topic of sex came into therapy. Loki had to face his negative experiences and learn to recognize that what happened to him was no reflection on him as a person. He had been gas lighted by Victor, a dominant personality can find and exploit weaker ones and form an unhealthy cycle of codependency.   
Loki learned the difference between sex and intimacy; additionally, that it’s all right to express to a partner when you are uncomfortable. Healthy relationships are built on trust.  Most importantly, Loki realized that he couldn’t compartmentalize every act of a sexual or even vaguely sexual nature with his experiences of abuse.  Bruce wasn’t Victor. Bruce would listen, because he cared.    
  
Loki was safe… and perhaps that was the hardest lesson. 

* * *

  
Dr. Xavier had made another suggestion for an at home exercise.  Loki clutched his bag as it slung over his shoulder, the print out folded neatly in the front pocket.  _‘Experiencing intimacy after sexual assault.’_ Was in bold font at the top of the page, Loki had a hard time calling what Victor did to him ‘assault’. It meant admitting that he had hurt; it was like admitting he was weak. The Doctor had told him that it had nothing to do with weakness or ‘allowing’ anything to happen.  Loki had previously rationalized his relationship as something he had wanted.   
  
“I stayed, I let him…we had sex frequently. It may not have been pleasurable always but…”  
  
“Did it have a negative affect on your emotions or self esteem?” Xavier asked, cutting right to the core of it.  
  
Loki had sat there looking down at his folded hands wanting to lie, “yes…”    
  
“Did you ever attempt to avoid intercourse and have that attempt ignored?”   
  
“Yes.”  
  
It may not have been the knock down drag out fights that Victor was capable of, usually it had been a strong hand to his jaw and a look. _‘I didn’t drive to this hovel to be ignored; do I truly ask so much of you?’ ‘Keep me interested, you’re only of use to me while I’m interested.’, ‘when I found you, you were a whore. Don’t think that because I don’t leave cash on the nightstand that you have somehow exceeded that position. I own you Loki, remember that.’_  
  
“You have expressed that you and Bruce have not taken a step into physical intimacy as part of your relationship. Do you feel you are ready to change that?”  
  
Loki huffed and ruffled his hair, “Of course, I want to. I just… Victor was the last person to see me in that way and I…”  
  
“Vulnerability is hard, but you trust Bruce.”   
  
“I do. More than anyone.”  
  
That was where the exercise came in, giving Loki control to plan and initiated. To plan every aspect and control the environment, laying down a safety system using words.  The light system, as it was explained - Green ( _This is pleasurable, I feel safe to continue)_ , Yellow ( _Slow down, I’m feeling uncomfortable and need a moment_ ), Red ( _Stop immediately and end physical contact_ ).    
  
Loki had called Bruce after leaving his session and told him about what the doctor had suggested. Told him that he wanted to move forward with it.  Hoping it did not sound too unromantic, he realized this would be the first time they had done much more beyond some light groping and kissing. Bruce in his steady, solid, supportive way just said. “Whatever you need I’ll do.”  

* * *

  
Which is how Loki ended up were he currently was, seated at the breakfast bar reading the papers as he sipped his tea. Bruce would be home later, he said he’d stop by there favorite Italian place and pick something up. Loki took a few deep breaths and told himself everything was going to be different.  Through therapy he had learned a lot about himself and coming to terms that his gender identity and sexual identity were different, how he expressed himself and saw him self were completely unique. “Everyone is different, the human experience is a spectrum.” he read aloud a few paragraphs into the paper, taking another sip of his tea.   
  
To love another you must first love yourself.   
  
That was difficult, Loki loved who he was becoming that was true but loving himself…that was a daily struggle. He had done other exercises in becoming more comfortable with his own body. Looking at himself in the mirror, learning what sort of touch he enjoyed and where- on his own terms. He was ready to share that with Bruce, to tell his partner what he needed and what he wanted. Loki wanted to feel that closeness with someone who valued him.    
  
He may never forget the things that happened in his past, but he could heal. Loki could allow himself to heal.   
  


* * *

  
  
Dinner was lovely, when Bruce came in he found Loki in the kitchen pour two glasses of wine, soft jazz floating through the apartment. They sat close and chatted half eating off each other plates. It felt effortless just as any other night, even though Bruce knew how special tonight was.  After dinner, Bruce offered to clean up - giving Loki an out to head upstairs and be alone for a moment.   
  
Loki took the momentary solace to disrobe, standing in front of the full-length mirror in the bedroom. He’d put on old striped robe, something that had permanent residence on the back of the bathroom door. His metaphorical shield. Catching his own eyes in the glass, he looked for the fear there. Yet it wasn’t. There was no trembling anticipation that rough hands and harsh words were ahead. It was just…him and this place. The warm lights dimmed to an amber glow in the bedroom, the smell of amber and ginger candles.   
  
“Hey…”  
  
Loki turned to the greeting, Bruce stood at the bedroom entrance leaning against the wall. “Hey…”  
  
“Mind if I take a shower? I probably smell like antiseptic and somehow I think that would be a mood killer.” Bruce smirked gesturing to the bathroom.   
  
“That’s fine,” Loki chuckled watching his partner go, he silently moved across the bedroom to the old hi-fi player that Bruce had against the wall. Such a purest his doctor, running his fingers across the stack of albums on the bookcase he chose one. Spinning the vinyl between his fingers as the sound of the shower started. Loki placed the 78 and expertly placed the needle. The soft crackle of the audio lit through the bedroom before the bluesy guitar rift accompanied.   
  
He closed his eyes for a moment just letting the vibration from the old Kenwood’s sink into his skin.   
  
This was not the original plan but then again…maybe that wasn’t what they had, Loki didn’t want to wait and have to sit face to face and go over every detail… not with Bruce. The whole point of this was trust, it occurred to him that not only did he trust Bruce - he loved him.   
  
The lyrics of Peter Green swam through the musicians head. _‘I need your love so bad…’_   
  
Each step to the bathroom door left something behind, stepping into the tiled room shrouded in steam was like a baptismal. “Bruce.”  
  
The doctor turned running his hand over the glass of the stall, “Yeah?”    
  
“Open the door.”   
  
Bruce was surprised, excited, and whole host of other verbs when he opened that shower door. Most of all though, he was in awe, of the strength and beauty of this person that crashed into his life over a year ago.  When he looked at Loki, all he saw was his eyes - the determination and love that swirled in those depths of emerald. His gaze falling for a moment to proud smirk and nimble fingers that freed the belt of the dressing down.   
  
He didn’t ask if Loki were sure, that would have been an insult to the raven’s intelligence. He knew Loki was sure the moment that voice commanded the shower door open. Everything now was just motion and sound. The sound of water slashing against the tiles, heavy fabric pooling on the floor.  This was the first time he’d seen Loki in such an intimate light and no mater what was in front of him Bruce just saw the person he cared for. He saw the man he loved.   
Loki stepped into the cubical, through the warm spray and stood there before his lover. Wordlessly placing his hands on the doctors shoulders before letting them slid down the slighter mans arms.   
  
“Tell me what you need.”  Bruce spoke softly catching Loki’s hands.   
  
“You…I just need you.”

* * *

  
  
Loki turned his head to allow more space for Bruce’s roaming lips against his neck. Closing his eyes and breathing in the steam as the physicians skilled hands trailed over his hip side. They were pressed together and for once Loki didn’t feel trapped, he felt …safe. There was no disgust, as his chest was pressed unguarded between them. If anything, there was something so wonderfully erotic in the contrast of his own hairless chest against the down curls on Bruce’s. He didn’t flinch when those open mouth kisses trailed over his collar and down his sternum. They did not linger in a way that made Loki feel anything less than who he was.   
  
“Bruce…”  
  
Hazel eyes lifted to the breathless call. Bruce was on his knees pressing Loki into the shower wall with his worshipful mouth. “Color.”   
  
“Green…oh gods green…”   
  
The doctor chuckled placing a kiss on his lover’s hipbone, his eyes trailing to the trimmed thatch of hair. Curios fingers petting the raven curls above the enlarged nub. His brain supplied the effect of HRT, more than that Bruce knew this was the moment. The validation Loki needed on a deeper level that he was a man. “I want to taste you.” Stroking Loki between his fingers. “Is that ok.”   
  
The ravenette looked down, his cheeks crossed in red. “ Yes, I ..I want that. I want everything.”   
  
Lips took a reverent journey, lifting one of the musician’s legs over his shoulder. Bruce peppered kisses along the inside of Loki’s knee and thigh, traveling upward. “Your perfect, your perfect to me.” he whispered against heated flesh , licking at the damp beads of moister left by the showers steam.   
  
Loki’s head tilted back as a gasp escaped his throat, reaching down to lace his fingers in his lover’s wet hair. His vision sparkling in the yellow glow of  the inset lights above. Nothing in  life that isn’t criminal should feel this good. His back arced away from the wall and his breath stuttered, this was an all-consuming sort of pleasure that pricked up his spine and set fire to his nerves. “ Bruce…Bruce..”  
  
Oh and didn’t the good doctor look horribly smug with that smile on his face, placing one last kiss below Loki’s navel before standing an touching every inch of skin. “The water’s going to go cold soon.” Bruce said kissing along his shoulder.   
  
“You have ruined me for slick surfaces, I think I’d fall if I tried to walk now. You’re a beast who just plays at being a man aren’t you?”  Loki joked wrapping his arms around Bruce’s neck.   
  
Banner shrugged and placed a playful kiss on his lovers chin. “You know my secret, I’ll have to kill you now. No way around it I’m afraid.”   
  
The raven hummed leaning their foreheads together, “Would you be kind enough to end me in the bedroom?”   
  
“Why not, more room to take you apart.”  
  
Green eyes sparkled and matched a mischievous smile, “Oh the innuendo Doctor Banner, I never knew you had it in you.”   
  
Bruce laughed to himself and switched off the water, handing Loki a towel. “I could say something about that you know. Since my sexual banter is now in question. Thankfully, I’m more tasteful than some.”  
  
“And am I, tasteful?” Loki waggled his brows before receiving a sharp slap on the rear.  Letting out a squeak before slipping out of the bathroom leaving a trail of rumples towels and wet footprints.   
  
When Bruce caught up, he found a feast for the eyes. His partner sprawled artfully on his stomach, stretched out like a cat. Bruce gave himself a final once over with a towel before tossing it over his shoulder and stalking to the bed. The doctor crawled up the mattress straddling the long pale form underneath him.   
  
Loki hadn’t honestly known what it was like to feel attractive until then, there was a kind of power in it. Like becoming a god to another person. Being worshiped and venerated for simply existing. To have that adoration be more than physical, that devotion that came form some place untouched by the world. Words of praise mouthed over his back and down his spine.   
  
_“Handsome”, “Smart”, “Talented”,_ Bruce had so many words for him.   
  
This was how it was suppose to feel, how it should always feel.   
  
Loki rolled onto his back losing himself gentle caresses and kisses. “Bruce… I want you.” he breathed the words as his hand wandered down the doctor’s chest and stomach to stroke the turgid flesh beneath. Loki smiled as the answering groan against his shoulder. “Look in the night table. Hurry.”   
  
You do not have to tell Bruce Banner twice, he doubted a code blue would have had his hands moving to fast. Still he had to be sure, “This is what you want, right.. Don’t feel like you have to do this for me.”   
  
Loki gave him a bored look, “ If you don’t get over here at once …”  
  
“Alright alright,” Hands raised  Bruce scoot back across the bed. Loki let him get in arms reach before he pushed Bruce onto his back.   
  
The musician sat astride his lover looking down, taking a deep breath as he positioned accordingly and slid down until their bodies where flush against each other.  Both men groaned and sought out each others hands. Savoring the moment of connection until Bruce could no longer be still, bucking his hips up and sending his lover tilting and forward panting.   
  
Loki took his partners face in his hands. “I love you.” he keened capturing  Bruce’s  lips as they made love.   
  
“I love you too, so much” Bruce returned against the musicians kiss swollen lips.   
  
They rolled in the sheets, two as one in a tangle of limbs; hands fighting for purchase against skin, twisted in cotton or braced against the headboard. Skin slick with perspiration as they chased their release. 

* * *

  
Bruce looked over at his slumbering lover and smiled, Loki was sound asleep when he came back to bed with a bottle of water. He didn’t have the heart to wake him up right now, opting to leave an unopened bottle on the table nearest to the sleeping musician. Bruce ran his palm down Loki’s back, smirking at the subconscious arch into his touch.  He watched him for a moment, just being so close and hearing him breath. After a while, he pulled the covers over them and settled against the sleeping musician’s side. 


	20. Natural progression

“Are you nervous?”  Bruce asked, watching Loki flit around the apartment. The musician had changed his clothes twice and put his hair up and then down at least five different times. “You know your appointment isn’t for another two hours.”  
  
“I know that!” Loki snapped and then turned around with an apologetic sigh, “I’m sorry Darling it’s just this is very important.”   
  
Bruce set down his coffee cup and made his way over to the troubled ravenette who was currently about to water the hanging ferns …again. “I know it is, so just relax ok?” He said taking the plastic can out of his partners grasp before he managed to drown the poor Boston.   
  
Today was Loki’s appointment for consultation and hopefully to schedule his top surgery.  It was understandable he’d be so unsettled, but this was the process. They had talked about it and looked into different surgeons together, talked to people in the community and finally found someone Loki trusted. Today was just about explaining the surgery and setting a date. Still, by the hard line in his brow and the twitch in his fingers - Bruce could tell how apprehensive Loki was.   
  
“What if they can’t?”   
  
“Hon, there is no reason why they couldn’t. You’re in good health; you’re right on track with your HRT. Don’t over think things ok.” Bruce assured, gently running his hands up and down his lovers arms.   
  
Loki let out a shaky breath and leaned back against his partner, it was times like those that this he was most thankful for Bruce. “I want this, you know I do, but this is what makes it real. This means more than just how my clothes fit or even how I look at myself. This is being able to take off my shirt whenever I like. This is how other people will see me, when they see us… I…” The words caught and of course, Bruce was right there, wrapping his arms about his middle.   
  
The doctors face tucked between his shoulder blades, “They will see you, the real you. The you that has always been there. You’re going to be ok and I’m going to be with you. Ok?”   
  
“Ok.”

* * *

  
“Mr. Laufeyson, how lovely it is to meet you; and Doctor Banner it is nice to see you as well.”  The welcome certainly was a warm one as the Doctor showed them both into the office.   
  
“Doctor Carter,’ Loki nodded.  
  
“Oh please call me Linda!” She said smiling; Linda Carter had come recommended for her skills in reconstruction. She had received several commendations for her treatment of high profile clients and her successes in her field.   
  
Moreover, it was well known that she was an advocate for the LGBT community. She had volunteered several nights a month at her private practice to do pro-bono work such as facial scar treatment for those who had been the victims of violent attacks.   Because of her work, she was given the fond title of ‘night nurse’.   
  
“Linda it is then.” Loki said taking a seat next to Bruce; they were both opposite a long glass desk where the doctor sat.   
  
“So, I understand you’re interested in chest reconstruction.”   
  
Loki felt Bruce’s hand take his under the table, a silent promise that everything was going to be all right, “Yes, I am.”  
  
Doctor Carter then took a moment to review Loki’s medical history, addressing anything she saw and asking questions here and there before getting down to the procedure at hand. “We have a couple of options here that I’d like to discuss with you before we head into an exam room and take a look.” She said moving the computer screen on her desk to face her soon to be patient.   
  
The screen came to life with a diagrams and photo slides. “There are two types of procedures I do here for my transgender patients; one of the most common is known as - Double incision Method.”  The screen changed showing a before and after photo of a Trans male’s chest.   
  
Loki tightens his grip on Bruce’s hand at the sight of the long twin scars.   
  
“I usually perform this on patients presenting with larger breasts that have dropped and loss mass due to their testosterone therapy. As you can see this requires a scar extending from underneath the existing breast fold to the lateral outside of the chest.” The doctor spoke using her pen to guide along the lines of the scars shown on screen.  “The nipple and aureola are removed, resized, and grafted into a new position. This helps to give a more masculine appearance to the chest. “  
  
“Are the scars always so…? “  Loki gestured with a bit of a quiver in his voice.   
  
“Prominent?  At first yes, but most scars will fade with time.  Loki, I understand the apprehension but the important thing to remember is that everyone is different, the placement and appearance of your scars will be different as well. How your scar heals depends a lot on your genetic makeup and ability to heal.  After your surgery I’ll also prescribe a silicone based scar products that should also help decrease the appearance.”  
  
The explanation seemed to calm him; he always had been a fast healer. Even as a child with regular scrapes from tussling with his brother, Loki never had a problem with scaring. Why should this be any different?  
  
Bruce chimed in then, “You said there was a second option?” Bless that man for his optimism and attention to detail.  
  
“Yes I did,” Linda clicked her mouse over to the next set of slides. “This is called the Keyhole Method; I recommend this for patients with small breasts who have little breast tissue. Depending on the amount of tissue, we sometimes do d liposuction of the chest first. This is to make sure we can remove as much as possible before performing an incision.” The next slide showed before and after photo of a mans chest, this one visually similar to Loki’s.  
  
Thankfully, puberty had not been over bearing with Loki and he didn’t have much to hide as a result. Hopefully that would work in his favor if the images on screen were any indication.  
  
“Now, the incision it self will be along the lower border of the nipple. Through this incision, the remaining breast tissue can be removed. Resulting in a less prominent scar, although I do want to be clear - while this method may seem more attractive from a less invasive stand point there are just some things it cannot accomplish. A lot of this will depend on how your chest looks now, and what we can anticipate from the healing process. That said, I think we should go and have a look.”  
  
  
The hands on consultation wasn’t nearly as bad as Loki’s first exam. Doctor Carter was kind and talked over the options and what she felt was best for him.    
  
In the end, the decision was made to go with a double incision. There was just too many variables about how his chest would look in the end for Loki to feel comfortable with anything else. So they had a plan and set a date. In two weeks, things would change, for the better in Loki’s eyes. 

* * *

  
There was still a lot more to consider, if this would be his final surgery or not. If he would tell his family… the latter seemed easier to address.  He was having surgery and so Loki did feel at least a little inclined to tell his mother.   
  
They had been corresponding mostly by email and a few phone calls here and there. He had a feeling that his father had no idea she was in contact with him. Although Frigga kept saying ‘He’ll come around, he loves you.’ That was hard to believe sometimes, when Loki thought about it though he could remember a time when things were simpler…better.   
  
When he was just a little child and would have nightmares, his father would always come ready to _‘chase the monsters away’._ How his father would smile and say, _“I promise sweetheart, nothing will ever harm you. I wouldn’t let that happen.”_    
  
In therapy, Loki had come to learn that he didn’t have to forgive or forget, the key was not internalizing what he felt. His father’s rejection hurt, there was no other way to phrase it. He also didn’t have to taint his good memories with that hurt. Odin’s refusal to see him as a man - in the end had nothing to do with Loki.   
  
_“Feelings do not come from the heart but the mind. When a offense is perceived that offense is not a force, it is not tangible. No one can ‘make’ another person angry. We chose our reactions within our own mind._ ” Xavier said.   
  
All that pain Loki carried for so long believing he had ‘done’ something to his family, that he was ‘wrong’. Was his perception based on their reaction, and their reaction based on their perception. Odin chose his reaction based on things Loki had no control over. The same way his mother chose to embrace him. Her love was stronger than whatever societal norms she had adopted through her life.   
  
Loki  hoped one day his father would overcome whatever prejudices he had. Hoped one day the man he looked to for protection would remember that vow. _“I promise sweetheart, nothing will ever harm you. I wouldn’t let that happen.”_  
        


	21. It’s not the family you’re born in, it’s the one you make.

The days leading up to Loki’s surgery were interesting ones. Their friends all rallied around the couple to wish Loki the best and show them that they cared. Tony threw a party (of course) calling it Loki’s “Nipple shower”; not very appropriate but it was the thought that counted.  
  
Loki met his mother for lunch; she was worried -as mothers tend to do. He of course assured her everything was as safe as could be and that he would call her as soon as he could when it was over, or have Bruce call her. That was another first, Bruce met Frigga that day as well and got the ‘mothers seal of approval’. This was complete with pinched cheeks and her cell phone now filled with photos of the couple.  
  
For once, it felt like everything was going right, so naturally Loki was paranoid as the day drew closer. Completely disregarding his own words of assurance.  
  
“Did you know an alarming amount of people die due to complications with anesthesia?” Loki said looking up from his tablet.  
  
Bruce rolled his eyes and plucked the device from his lover’s hands. “Stay off the internet when you’re dating a doctor. Ok?” He said pecking a kiss on the ravenette cheek. “You’ll be fine.”  
  
Loki huffed and crowded the doctor, stealing Bruce’s own e-reader away and coiling up in the mans lap. The musician was presenting his very best impression of a stroppy cat as he covered his partner.  
  
Bruce chuckled and wrapped his arms around the younger man, “I promise you’re in good hands. I will be there when you wake up too, and as soon as we get the ok we will come home and you can curl up here in bed. I’ve already gotten the ok to take a few personal days after your procedure.”  
  
“Thor’s coming…mother said, you won’t let him take photo’s of me when I’m compromised on pain killers will you?”  
  
The doctor rolled his eyes, “No embarrassing photos cross my heart.”

* * *

  
The morning of the surgery felt oddly calm. Loki woke early and stood out on the balcony watching the sunrise. It was going to be a beautiful day with sunshine and a cool breeze; everything just had a light and easy feel to it.  All of his fears parted as the first rays of daylight split through the clouds. Just a few hours from now… just a few hours.  
  
Bruce kissed Loki’s hand before they wheeled him away, mouthing ‘you’ll be fine, I love you’.  He settled in for the wait and pulled up the new on his phone to read over some headlines. An alert pinged from the nurse’s station down on the trauma floor. He sighed, “There goes my day off…” He muttered, meaning to call in right then. Honestly praying it was nothing serious that he could beg out of.  Loki needed him.  
  
However, when his phone rang he got the idea it wasn’t. However, the call wasn’t to come in …but to sign someone out.

* * *

  
Loki didn’t recall anything from the time the mask went over his face and the nurse instructed him to count backwards. Which was good, although now it was not good because he was starting to wake up and his chest was aching.  The ravenette frown and licked his lips, his mouth tasted funny - the anesthesia - his brain supplied.  “Bruce…”  
  
The croaked name brought the man in question into his line of sight almost immediately. “Hey there sleepy head. How do you feel?”  
  
“Sore…water…”  
  
Bruce ducked away before coming back with a cup and a straw. “Drink it slow, that’s it. You did great. Doctor Carter said everything went fine and she’s confident about the results. You’ll be sore for a few days but she’s got you a prescription for some painkillers and the nurse already brought me all the extra dressings and scar cream. As soon as you’re a little more awake we can go home.”  
  
Loki hummed and looked around the room, “I hope Thor didn’t bother you too badly. He’s like big dog… should have warned you. Where is he by the way… out trying to welcome a nurse to the ‘gun show’?”  
  
“Ah…about him, There was …a little accident on his way in.”  
  
Loki would later deny this (blaming the medication) but he nearly shot out of the bed, “What!”  
  
Bruce held out his hands, “Now relax everything fine, he’s fine I swear. Jane’s bringing him up and she feels really bad about it.”  
  
“Why would she feel bad…I realize he’s intolerable but…Bruce. I’m foggy and sore please just tell me.”  
  
The doctor rubbed the back of his head with a chuckle, “She….well she was coming to bring me lunch. Tony sent her to go get coffee because everyone was going to try to be here when you woke up. Well, she was backing out and your brother just happened to be walking through the parking lot. She swears she didn’t see him and just….kinda backed into him.” Bruce waved his hand see the slight wash of horror on Loki’s face. “Really it just knocked him off his feet, but she wanted to be sure so she had the nurse’s station page me and I went down to convince him to get an x-ray of his head to be on the safe side.”  
  
Loki eased back into the pillows, tension melting. “If he hit his head he should be fine…thick as a brick.” 

* * *

  
It wasn’t long  before Loki was a bit more clear, chatting with Bruce and complaining bout his itching dressings. A soft knock on the door interrupted them - it was Jane and Loki’s brother.  
  
Thor didn’t look to worse for wear, a tear on his jeans a few scraps from the asphalt and a bandage on his head. Smiling like always, at least until he asked for a moment alone, then the smile seemed less than genuine and Loki wasn’t sure whatever conversation they were about to have that he necessarily wanted to be apart of it.  
  
Jane and Bruce stepped out, the later was sure that Loki had his phone in hand. An unspoken look that said ‘text me if you need an out’. Bruce was good like that.  
  
“If you intend on lecturing me you’re a bit late.” Loki commented as his brother sat by his bedside.  
  
Thor didn’t say anything; he just sat forward and ran a hand back through his hair. Suddenly the blonde seemed…older than when he walked in. “I’m not going to do that.”  
  
“So then what? I know you just came here for mother, you’ve seen that I did not expire so your job is over right?”  
  
Loki was defensive and Thor knew why, he spent a lot of time just trying to ‘make’ Loki behave. Countless trips to see the musician telling him that their Father would forgive… just if Loki stopped this. However, in the last year Thor had seen so much. He realized that forgiveness shouldn’t simply be about pleasing one person. If Loki had ‘behaved’ and come home, then Loki would have been miserable. What’s to say he wouldn’t be in a very similar situation now anyway…? Sitting next to a hospital bed, only…perhaps it would have been grimmer.  
  
“My job will never be done.” He said with a little smile, “I’m your big brother; I have to be sure you’re alright.”  
  
Something about that just annoyed the ravenette, “No, you just pander to father. That’s your job.”  
  
“Loki please… I just wanted for us all to be happy.”  
  
“Happy?” Loki scoffed, “You knew… I know that you did, you knew how unhappy I was. You knew I hated who I was; you watched me drowning and let me. For what? For fathers approval?  You wanted his happiness… his pride in you.”  
  
“I was wrong.”  
  
The both eyes each other through the silence, Thor was just like their father. That was what made his words seem so strange to Loki’s ears …Odin was never wrong.  
  
“I’m sorry…”  
  
Odin was never sorry….  
  
“Please forgive me…please brother…”  
  
Loki swallowed thickly, Thor…wasn’t Odin. This was his brother, sitting here with pain in his eyes asking to be forgiven. Suddenly Thor didn’t look so much older. Suddenly Loki saw the gangly 10-year-old that would look down at him when Loki would turn up at his bedroom door. With that look that said ‘this is the last time’ - it never was. Loki hated thunderstorms and Thor would always let him in on nights when the storms beat against the windows. He would always say, _‘big brother will keep you safe, its ok now just go to sleep_ ’.  
  
He was a grinning youth with a black eye, when anyone teased Loki…Thor was there, he’d fight anyone who said a single word about his sibling.  
  
Loki saw the freighted young man who drove him silently out of town. Whose eyes held so much regret as he dropped Loki off at the train station? _‘Are you sure….’_ he had said. Loki never replied, slamming the car door and never looking back.  
  
This however, was not the man who came to his apartment with pleading words, _‘I can talk to father…please Loki.’_  
  
 This was the man who saw him beaten and bruised, who Steve and Bucky had to hold back because he wanted to hunt down Victor.  
  
The man next to him was someone who wanted to understand, who was ready to listen and try. This was his family.  
  
“I forgive you…brother”

* * *

  
The first time Loki sees his chest… he is lost for words.  
  
Standing in front of the floor length mirror in their bedroom, his eyes following the smooth planes of skin and muscle. He takes a breath and watches his ribs expand and compress, how the act of breathing could be so beautiful.  The scars are faint and pink against the lighter surrounding skin, in a few months they will be gone - leaving behind only a faint line. A whispered memory of what once was.  
  
He cries then, alone in the bedroom with nothing but his thoughts and the soft sound of rain pattering the windows. Bruce was at work and through all this; Loki had remained stoic about everything. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to share his feelings, if he was going to share them it would be with Bruce. Loki wanted this, this singular selfish moment because it had been denied him for so long.  
  
Remember what it was like for his teenage self-standing in the bathroom, toe flexing in the plush fibers of a peach bathmat. The first time he said the words that he felt with every fiber of his being. He breathed in the relief of this moment, letting go of pain with shaking breath.  He deserved this moment.  
  
Later, he would share it with his partner. Bruce would smile in that gentle way, he would kiss the fading scars and they would make love.  
  
However, right now, what matter most wasn’t the world and these four walls. It wasn’t anyone but Loki - past, present, and future. All that really mattered was what he saw and what he felt.  This moment was healing; validation and joy, finally feeling happy with his reflection. He finds his words.  
  
“I am a man.”  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more chappy..


	22. Epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dedicated to my loyal reader Taka, who has left some really wonder encouraging words for me on this work

A lot can happen in three years; just two years ago, Bruce and Loki were married in Vegas. Not really planed, they had all gone out to Sin city as a group to celebrate Tony’s birthday. It was on the last night of their stay that Loki proposed. They were watching the dancing fountains outside the hotel just the two of them.   
  
Something about it just felt right, Loki looked over at the neon lights dancing in the doctor’s eyes and said, “Marry me.”  Bruce had not heard him at first, but then Loki dot down on his knees grinning like a maniac and said.  “Marry me…Marry tonight, I love you Bruce Banner so please… Marry me.”   
  
Maybe there wedding photos looked strange, Tony and Bucky where both half shot down hanging on either side of Steve, Phil was trying not to cry and Clint found it necessary to put a veil on Bruce.  Latter Loki’s mother would scold both of them and they would promise her that for their year five they would renew their vows with a proper ceremony.   
  
Loki had no doubt that five years would be just barely enough time for her to plan the entire thing top to bottom. Until then he was proud to call himself Loki Banner.  To live his live with the ups and down with his husband by his side. 

* * *

  
“Loki! It’s great to see you!” Steve greeted seeing his old friend enter the Manhattan café.   
  
The ravenette accepted the extended hand, “Yes it has been a while, and how do you enjoy living in Anthony’s gilded tower.”  
  
Steve laughed waving a hand to signal a server, “Well it’s different from the old apartment that’s for sure. Couldn’t be helped of course, ya know Tony hated to leave the hospital but, someone had to run Stark Industries.”  
  
Loki nodded placing his order, “My condolences of course for his Father, I know it was sudden. Bruce and I hated that we had not been able to be there.”   
  
Steve of course knew that, when Tony’s father passed, Bruce had been accepted to do a few months volunteering with Doctors without boarders and Loki had gone along with him.  “Tony understood, and the flowers you both sent were beautiful.”  
  
When there orders arrived, the two men took to chatting between bites. “You heard about Victor I take it?” Steve asked, testing the waters with the subject of Loki’s ex.   
  
Victor had gotten away with beating Loki, money was a powerful thing that could buy all the right lawyers and quell the tabloids. Doom ended up getting off with a years probation and mandatory anger management, along with an order of protection to never come near Loki or Bruce.   
  
However, karma has a way of catching up and sometimes all it takes is a mess that costs too many rich people a little too much money.  
  
Loki smirked taking a sip of his water, “The insider trading scandal? Yes I did, you know I don’t think prison will agree with him. On the other hand, perhaps it will agree all to well. You know?”   
  
Steve just shook his head chuckling at the dark humor, “Yeah…what goes around comes around.”  
  
“Or reaches around…in that instance.”   
  
The comment made the blond snort, “ I’ll have to tell Tony that one.”  
  
On to kinder matter, Steve inquired on Loki’s family - having heard about Thor’s recent engagement to Jane Foster. Of course, this time around Frigga was getting to help plan a lovely wedding. Loki had commented on how surprised he was when Jane asked him to come along when she picked out her dress. Apparently, Jane’s parents had past on and she was an only child. He smiled softly that Jane had said she always wanted a big brother.   
  
“I spoke to my father as well,” Loki said picking at the left overs of his salad.   
  
“How did that go?”  
  
“Not terrible oddly enough, it was for Thor’s engagement dinner. Father was quite diplomatic about the whole thing, he spoke to Bruce and never said a harsh word. I suppose indifference is a far less bitter pill than hate.” he replied.   
  
After their food had been taken away the pair sat just talking and enjoy the sunshine of the outdoor seating, it was a rare warm day in the city.   
  
Loki asked if there would be any wedding bells in Steve’s life, to which the blond laughed and complained on Stark's allergy to commitment. His tone sobering slightly that Bucky had not decided to live with them in the city. “Bucky's like a big grumpy cat; he comes and goes when he wants to.”   
  
“So, anymore surgery plans? I know you were on the fence about it last we spoke.” Steve asked.  
  
Loki had a thoughtful look glancing out to the street, a few years away he watched a father carrying a small child on his shoulders. “No, I’m actually considering coming off hormones. Bruce and I have been considering trying to have a child. I never thought I would want that, I thought it was offend my sense of self but… life isn’t always easy and that’s what makes it worth it.”  
  
Steve nodded, completely in awe of his friend’s strength. “It is a big step, kids… But you two would be great parents.”  
  
“Thank you Steven, I think of Bruce being a father and…it’s just right doing this with him. I know my dysphoria could become very uncomfortable and yet- I want that you know” Loki said gesturing to a pair of women with a small boy between them.  “I’ll still be who I am, I’ll be my child’s father regardless if I bore them or not. When my child is old enough they will know how they came to be and I hope by teaching them to be strong and understanding that they will be better for it.”  
  
“I’m sure they will, and hey…think of all the great aunts and uncles your kid will have. We’d all go to bat for you, you know that.”  
  
The musician grinned, “Indeed.” 

* * *

  
  
Two years later, on June 30 at 5:27 A.M; David Anthony Banner and his fraternal twin, Delia Tori Banner - were born happy and healthy at WestGen medical center.   
  
Their Parents, Grandparents, and very special extended family…could not have been happier.   
  
**The end.**   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for following this work, stay tuned to this collection for more Gama frost works coming soon. For those of you who ship Stony i have a couple of offerings for that and would love to see your thoughts on those works.


End file.
